Nancy Botwin: The Future of Feminism?

I've recently been watching the show "Weeds" and I find solace in the leading lady: Nancy Botwin. (played by the actress Mary Louise Parker)

This character is not admirable, but Nancy is nothing less than a woman. Her mother skills are unbearable to watch: she did not even know her youngest son had turtles as pets for a year and her oldest son was stealing signs and cameras right in front of her. Sometimes I wonder if she even loves her sons, as she is always leaving them out to dry and flounder around like a fish out of water.

The lovers she chooses are scary. And unpredictable. Nancy married the DEA agent to protect her family. She chooses guys that are not good role models to her young sons and rather than choose the guy she actually has chemistry with: Nancy chooses the boring ones, the perverted ones and the drug lords.

But besides all her flaws as a mother and as a lover, Nancy holds her ground. She learns how to deal with the baddest of gangsters and the Mexican mafia. A housewife turned drug dealer, the viewers wonder what her lifestyle was before her husband past away. She seems too good at being bad ass and not letting people push her around too much. Nancy is constantly learning to how to be more successful and make more money. She can wrap her opponents around her finger and get them to do anything for her.

Womanhood is not about being the perfect mother or wife. It's about making things work for you. Although Nancy Botwin is selfish, she the kind of woman I want to be. A strong one.

Let's Talk

There are just some things we don't talk about.

I am crude. I like to make people uncomfortable. I search for those awkward, disgusting things and talk about them over the dinner table.

The sad thing is: this things sometimes are not so disgusting. They are just made that way.

For example, I talk about sex. A lot. Sex should be a natural part of people's lives. Don't hush me for talking about how I enjoy it. If you do, I will promise I will get louder.

Now auditions for the Vagina Monologues are coming up on my campus. It's my last year here. I am going to it. I am going to try out to perform, on stage, and talk about one of my favorite things....

Let's sit down and talk. Let's make a deal to not silence each other's stories, no matter how gross they may seem. Let's talk about sex, and what's healthy. Let's talk about our experiences, our life, our struggles. Let's gush over who we are dating, and complain about not having a love life. Let's stop making topics untouchable, unspeakable, unfamiliar.

And let's stop over joking over things that need to be taking seriously and start talking about those experiences:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/over-it_b_1089013.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

like OMG you DO have a PENIS

Men, Let's talk.

This is a note to the men who think that they have to remind everyone that they are a man.You all know that kind of guy. The guy that needs to point out that what he is doing is 'what men do.' "I don't care about your feelings because I am a man!!!" Yeah, right. Some of these men walk like this:

Okay, lets get real. You're kind of gross. Not wearing pink because it is a girl color is not showing your masculinity; it's showing your immaturity.

I was making out with a guy once, and if you know who I am, I'm kind of silly. So I licked his nipples. It's not like I licked his ass or anything. But he got sooo offended and told me he wasn't a girl and to never lick his nipples again. Now, I am a Women's Studies major and if you tell me to not do something because you aren't a certain gender...I'm gonna get a little peeved.

Men are not born to be strong, to not like their nipples licked, and to not wear pink. They are socialized that way.

And this goes both ways, I mean girls can do anything guys can and vice versa. I'm just so sick of guys being told to do stuff because it makes them more manly. "You're a man if you pick up the check." "You're a man if you send her flowers." "You're a man if..."

Let's do what we want to do, okay? Be human, not a man. The only thing that makes you a man is what's in your pants, not what you do!

Oh by the way, here's to the men and women that made it possible for me to blog about penises and cool feminism! Happy Veteran's Day!

Does LIFE get better?

For real. I mean, come on if it is not your best friend leaving you because he thinks you are too depressed to hang out, it's everyone is making fun of you because you are blonde and blue eyed and fat and with that, a big fricking lesbian. (Both true stories).

The 'It Gets Better Project' is not denying that life has it's shitty moments, nor is it saying that you should ignore the feelings you are having about your life.

It's trying to say to young people everywhere that they are not alone in the struggle to be themselves, that it happens to everyone. Even someone who seems to have it all together and maybe they do. It doesn't mean that they don't have bad feelings, or feel lost, or haven't ever felt like you did.

It's saying that you are going to get through it, and although the situations may change, if you do not have hope, or positivism in your life, your life is not going to look any better through your eyes.

So let's not lie to the public. Shit happens. We can get through it together. Smile, ask for help. laugh at anything you can laugh at, and cry if you need to. Then do it the next day. But if we do not laugh through our pain, how do we expect to enjoy life...

In Hopes that someone that needs this will read this

For one of my jobs at my university, I am planning with the Pride Community an "It Gets Better" video for our school. I am uberly excited for this experience as I know it will be a great one and get many people involved. But I also have a personal experience with this kind of tragedy.

This tragedy is one that affect GLBT youth at a much larger rate. It is suicide. Dan Savage created the "It Gets Better" project after a series of suicides of GLBT youth that thought after the harassment they received in schools that they did not have a life worth living.

Depression is something you do not understand until you have it. Until you go through it on a deep level. It's something you can not smile through. It is something that plagues you, haunts you on a daily, hourly, minutely basis. It's something I have struggled with ever since I can remember.

I never knew I would be this successful in college. I always thought I would have to become someone else. Someone popular or pretty or better. Someone with better self-esteem or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or someone that has lettered in every single thing they have tried (Which coincidentally is everything. You know the person I am talking about, every school has one of those people. ) I thought I had to become someone else in order to be happy.

I was harassed for my sexuality when I was younger. And it is something I tear up to this day about. It is something that I will never get over. And it is something I wish someone had stopped earlier. I wish the teacher that witnessed it, everyday, would have said something. I wish that more of my classmates asked me if I was okay with them calling me a "bra stuffing lesbian". More often, I wish that adults didn't tell me "they are just teasing you because they are jealous."

No, they weren't teasing me because they were jealous. They were teasing me, because they saw someone who was alone. Who was vulnerable. My personality, my looks, my breast size had nothing to do with why they teased me. They teased me because they thought it was fun and it was easy. Yes, there is probably more to why they teased me. But they chose to tease me because I was vulnerable, alone and no one stood up for me, including myself.

I don't ever remember asking them to stop. I don't ever remember myself telling the teacher to ask them to stop. This is something that I need to stress to the people who are feeling harassed, teased, bullied whatever. It is a horrible experience to go through. But you need to stand up to these people and tell them to stop. You need to be a self-advocate. Your best advocate is YOU. (side note: This shouldn't be so, others should stand up for you too. But people won't, they are scared, find courage and stand up for yourself. And others will stand behind you. I promise.)

My life didn't start getting better, once I got a boyfriend. It didn't start getting better once I lettered in everything I did. It didn't get better once I got friends. It didn't get better when I lost weight, when I got the job I wanted...It got better when I started taking care of myself and respecting myself enough for others to respect me.

It is gonna get better. A whole hell of a lot better. But be yourself and do what you want to do, and if that doesn't make you happy, do something else that does. This is your life. And it is not gonna get any better until you are happy with yourself, not your surroundings.

So please, figure out what makes you happy and try not to care what other people around you thinks or says. Because the only persons opinion that really matters is yours. Your opinion of yourself matters, and if you respect yourself and love yourself, the people around you that you want to hang out with will see that and respect you too.

It's not easy. It is going to be very hard. I'm not saying that you're not gonna struggle for a few weeks, months, or years. But don't worry, it's worth it.

Questioning the point of it all.

Yesterday I was trying to relax after a stressful day by watching one of my favorite shows on Netflix. I had a pretty off day and I was really tightly wound up so I thought a 45 minute Psych episode would do me some good.

There was a point in the show where there were talking to a witness (it's a detective show) and they thought that the person was lying. They confronted her and got her to talk about the real story.

Gus: How did you guys know she was lying?

Shaun: Psychic...

Retired Male Detective: She's a Woman!

And I laughed at this. Me, a women's studies major, me, a woman that is always preaching how woman should be accepted as intellectual human beings. I gasped at the sexism and then I gasped again at my laughter. After I got through the initial shock, I felt sooo bad so I updated my status.

Then I closed that window and went about my business for the rest of the night. When I finally went about my business of checking my Facebook today, I found the comments on this status was very, well, mindshattering. Take a look.

Now usually I expect jokes about, "getting back to the kitchen" and "woman, stop bitching and make me a sandwich" but violence! I believe in free speech, which is why I did not delete their comments off my facebook page. They can leave it up there if they wish, but I did respond to them to tell them that it unacceptable. I'm surprised that someone didn't call them out on it earlier. In fact, I'm disappointed at my friends who saw these comments and didn't say a thing.

Violence is a serious issue. Violence against women is not acceptable to me. To make a joke about it is saying that you do not take that issue seriously, that it is justified. If you laughed at those jokes above (The first two) you should realign your morals and say that "you support men who beat their wives/partners". You are justifying that sick act of violence against another human being.

Can I seriously be living in a world where it is acceptable to make jokes about the pain of others? Can I seriously be living in a world where people think it is acceptable to beat their wives for "not listening"?

This is the world I live in and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of trying to make change when no one, no one listens. I'm tired... and I'm slowly burning out. Where can I find the motivation I had a year ago? six months ago? This comments used to make me want to do something and now they make me want to quit.

Maybe it's time to accept the world has too many problems that I will never be able to begin to solve. Should I give in to society because that is what everyone else seems to be doing? Should I stop getting angry at the sexist, racist remarks I see because that is what everyone else is doing?

I know I won't give up. But I have to admit, it would be easier to give up right now. I would live a different (easier) life if I gave in. But I would be bitter. And I would hate myself. And that's why I keep trying and I don't give up.

Let's start with the girls!

We are know girls are socialized to be more vulnerable than boys.

I as a girl was bullied for my gender, my sexuality and anything else those bullies could find. And I was called a girl for crying about it.

I was ashamed of being a girl and grew up to become ashamed of being a woman. It took many abusive relationships to realize that I didn't need to be a man and didn't need a man to be a productive member of society, to help others. It will just take some time for me to make as much difference as a male in this world. But I hope that someday this isn't so.

Today and the rest of this week Tara Sophia Mohr wants us to blog about The Girl Effect. However, I blogged about this issue in March, so please read:

http://hannahkdeefindsfeminism.blogspot.com/2011/03/starting-with-girls.html

Finally, let's help someone who has low self esteem every day, so we can have healthy productive members of society of both male and female!

Name Calling isn't always a bad thing

What is identity? What makes up part of your identity?

This was a question that my English teacher asked us Monday morning .

He had circled identity on the board and we were quiet for a few minutes, when someone stated that she considered identity as "where you see yourself as part of a group".

So who you are compared to everyone else, what group you belong to is part of who you are.

But it is not everything, why do individuals have to even consider their identity as part of a group. Why can't I just be Hannah?

Your name is the most individual part of your identity, it is the only thing that can encompass your whole experience. Sure, I identify as a woman, but that does not mean that every woman has the same experience! Not even every queer white woman who is blonde and grew up in the middle class would have the same experience in life that I have had...

What I am trying to say is that your name is who you are, it is the only thing that can separate yourself from the rest of the world who may be superficially just like you.

So why change it? Whether it is for marriage or for fun, you were born with that name for the reason. It was meant for you. Fate.

I think this is why I get so angry when I see newlyweds change their names. Usually if it is a hyphen I am more understanding (when both partners hyphen their names...thank you very much) but when just the woman changes her last name. I see a deep strip of identity right through her soul. I hurt for her and her children who will never receive a chance to have their mothers part of their identity with them.

Many people argue that it is a tradition they are following when they take their new husbands last name, but lets look at this in a different life. Hasn't it been a tradition to be called their name over and over again for twenty some years (or less/more).

So I am Hannah, and let's stick with that.

I'll identify as whatever I please and I click 'none of the above'

Can I give you a little lesson in internet life?

People show what they want you to see. I'm not saying everything is a lie. I'm just saying you do not get all perspectives of someone's life.

An anonymous person commented on my personal blog (the one I do not share with anyone unless they request it or they stalk me hard enough) and stated that some of my beliefs were 'kind of the opposite of feminism'.

Now first of all, I am a blooming feminist. This is a term that I identify with because I do not identify with all kinds of feminism, or one feminism, or I even do not like to state I am feminist because people try telling me I'm not for x, y, z reason.

Now first of all, this is a personal blog and although it reflects me, it is not my whole life. I choose to put certain things on there. I do not know why I feel I have a need to share my life with a blog site but it is a great way to keep up with friends I rarely see. And then once I make one, I get addicted and all of a sudden I am blogging about my life.

And I do not know, it struck a chord with me. Somewhere on my cold hearted feminist chest, I got angry and I wanted to grab this anonymous person and ask who they were.

I know who I am, some others may think they know who I am, but I am the only person that can truly know what all is hannahkdee. Just because I choose to write something on facebook, here or my other blog does not mean that's my final say on a matter. I do change my mind. And oh yeah, if I have an opinion on something and I hear another perspective and I agree with that perspective more. I'm changing my opinion. There is nothing wrong with that. It is called being 'open-minded'.

I'm a twenty year old college student. I do not claim to know everything. That would be boring. I like learning, I love it!

This person states that I am not happy being alone, that I am always with a boyfriend, and that I need to find happiness with just myself.

I have at least three blog posts of defense:

http://hannahkdeefindsfeminism.blogspot.com/2011/08/sex-and-single.html

http://hannahkdeefindsfeminism.blogspot.com/2011/07/feminist-romance-equation.html

http://hannahkdeefindsfeminism.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-search-for-dream-sugar-daddyor-not.html

I'm happy with the woman I am. I would still be happy with myself if the relationship were to end. (I would however be sad about the situation, because I do really like him.)

The author of the comment stated that "Find happiness with just yourself. You deserve that."

I'm gonna leave what I think everyone deserves in life, including this author.

If it makes you happy, do it. If it makes you unhappy, don't do it. You deserve to be happy. Get there by finding your own way.

I found mine, not in one person, not in myself, in the many things I am involved in, in my major, in my family, and in my present and future. And I am not gonna lie, my partner does bring me happiness in my life and that is why he is staying in my life.

(And oh yeah, the human emotions is a complex thing. And it's funny because if you think about it, have you ever been 100% truly happy at a given moment? I haven't. Yes I am happy but I still have a lot of other things on my mind that is going to take some of my brainpower and emotions...)

What leads girls to murder...

I always know better than to click on a pop song. But I do it anyway.

I found this little gem, if I can call it that, during one of those pop song sessions. It's called "This Little Girl" by a 'little girl' named Cady Groves. I was hoping it would be something like 'this little girl is growing up to a fine young woman' or 'this little girl is going to college'.

But yet again, it's not that. This obviously-autotuned pop song is catchy, but not in a good way.

I think instead of it being called "this little girl" it should be called "this fricking psycho". Because that is exactly what Cady Groves is in this little music video.

It featured Cady as the main character who is trying too hard to get a guy that obviously does not like her (maybe she needs to watch he is just not that in to you to figure out if he is or not) then after their 'date', she watches him from the road in her car. Can you say creepy? It even says "I followed you home, would you be alone?" Then later it says "I know you're creepin"!

Okay, uhm, he is NOT creeping. YOU ARE. It gets scarier, because she states that she is two steps away from murder over and over again. She even sings that she has an alibi...a good one.

I understand 'this little girl' you are hurt. He hurt you. But that doesn't mean you should kill him, he didn't even seem that nice of a guy to begin with. I hate to say this, but....did you not expect this? He didn't even kiss you at the door, he didn't hold your hand, and he didn't make a move on your advances!

Besides for the major psychological disorders this girl has before she started dating this guy, I feel like there is a few things wrong with this song in the first place.

It seems like it is centered on the idea that woman, or girls, only care about their relationships. Which you know, it's great to care about your relationships, but it is not the only thing you care about. More importantly, this little video seems to show that this little girl is all about boys.

It also brings light to the fact that women are all murderers. I'm serious. We are all going to kill men someday, so you better watch out. If we don't get what we want, which is obviously just a man-nothing more-then we are going to kill you.

I lied. I'm not being serious. Women are not murderers. Women are humans and have feelings. Men are also humans and have feelings too. I'm pretty sure that you do not need to tape a guy up to the wall with duct tape to make him see that he hurt you. Men, behind their rock hard masculinity, do have feelings just like women do.

It makes me angry that the only thing that makes women angry is when their man cheats on them. And I know it seems like it is the end of the world, but it is just an end of a relationship...not the world. I wish I could see pop songs about getting an education or standing up for their rights. Women getting angry because of something more important than an end of a relationship, seeing music videos that represent more than just the modern cult of domesticity...

Notice I am using the term women here. Women. Not girls. Men, like the man in this little video, are not going to take you seriously, if you call yourself a girl. Be proud. Call yourself a woman! You get a lot of respect from people!

After this horrible music video, I wanted to find a better song that didn't focus around a man. So thanks for reading, but you should listen to songs like "Not a Pretty Girl" by the WOMAN Ani Difranco.

Or No Doubt and "Just A Girl"... which has similar references of having it 'up to here' because of how society oppresses women like Gwen because of their girlhood (not 'three steps from the edge' because a man cheated on her...)

Fighting for Red WITH Black, Yellow, White.

I can not describe how angry some pictures made me the other day.

I live in a place that is very close to the University of N**** D*****. In fact, I have a few friends that attend that institution.

I have a problem with their mascot. As you know, it is a 'Fighting Sioux'. Now what is a Sioux, that is a name that white settlers gave to the indigenous tribes that lived around that area when America's colonization was happening.

This mascot is at least doubly offensive to me. First of all, the Sioux is not what those tribes choose to call themselves, they are the Lakota or Dakota people. Second of all, Sioux is a french word derived from a word that translates to enemy.

oh wait, it is more than doubly offensive because the title of the mascot also includes the adverb: FIGHTING.

Now if it was just the Sioux, I think I would be less angry about this. If this was halfway across the world, I probably wouldn't lift a finger to type.

But the Lakota and Dakota people are still around, even in that area, there are some. I consider myself European American, and there is no way that I would think it was funny if someone paraded my ethnicity around in a negative 'fighting' way. Even if it was just for fun, it gives some people the wrong impression of where I could have come from and I want people to judge me for how I act or what I do, not the ethnicity I identifies with in past, present or future. Definitely not because some mascot represented it in a sports game.

Now, a few years ago, it went through the process of getting rid of the name and calling them something unoffensive like the rabbits or you know, concrete rocks. (Man can you imagine playing a team called the concrete rocks---now that's intimidating!)

But so far,it hasn't happened. Some say it is because of the arena that they built for millions of dollars and how it had 'fighting Sioux' all over it. It is also controversial because an Indian tribe approved the name.

Now, just because a tribe approved it, doesn't mean they agree with the terminology, maybe they are hoping for publicity time or education of the students about these issues. Maybe they do not want any negative publicity when they do not approve it. because trust me, I can see some angry college kids doing some damage because of that.

It's still not right to me. Every time I see 'fighting Sioux', I think of the devastation that goes in to the Sioux communities and the negative stereotypes that will affect these communities.

And a lot of people ask me why I care--a white American. And it is an easy answer for me.

Because if it weren't because of the Dakota and the Lakota sacrifices to their culture, population and land, as well as every other tribe in the Americas, I would not be here today. And today, I will stand for them for they are part of me, and I am part of them. Tomorrow I hope my children and grandchildren will continue to fight for tribal recognition and individual rights.

Projects I am working on...

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I have been uber busy with life! I really actually wanted to but to come down and type up something sounded exhausting sometimes.

Right now I am currently trying to do very well in school and am taking 15 credits so it's really difficult to take a breather!

I'm working on a few papers that I thought were interest you.

Women of Color-This is a big topic but I am VERY excited to write about what I am learning about in my-surprise-women of color class.

Black Masculinity-Believe it or not, patriarchy harms men, too. I do not think that all men are evil, but some were CREATED to be evil to women. (And some women are evil to men.) I am looking at domestic violence in African American communities and want to connect it to black masculinities. There are more than one victim in those cases.

My book-yep. I am working on a book. I hope to write about the 21st century cult of domesticity and how that affects everyone (and me...), why it is coming back and if it is a good thing. I want to connect it to sexuality some how and have been working on (slowly) researching it.

SO that is my quick update on life right now. I hope everyone is doing well. I hope to write a real post very soon!

Labels: why you do not fit your own identity

I wrote a post awhile aback about labels and how hesitant I was to give myself one of a feminist.

I was also hesitant to give myself the 'in a relationship' and 'girlfriend' label this past month. But I discovered something. With a label, you may have negative consequences but you also may have positive consequences as well.

For example, the moment I admitted that my manfriend was actually my manfriend. It was like something lifted and I could breathe again. And even though I was happy being single, I am still happy in a relationship.

And some labels are hard to get.

I'll explain myself. Some American Indians can not identify or label themselves as American Indians because they do not have enough 'blood' to be considered one by their tribe.

I learned something even worse last night. In a few tribes, if a American Indian woman marries out of that tribe, she is no longer able to receive the benefits of being part of that tribe. (Whether that be land or money or having a say in tribal meetings). In another tribes on the other side of the country, her children would be also be punished. However, if a man marries a women from outside of that tribe, nothing changes.

And the sad thing is, the supreme court approved this for these tribes.

Patriarchy at it's finest. It's like women are less of their ethnicity because of their sex and their gender. And can I tell you something, that makes me completely furious.

Of course, it's none of my business to tell the tribes what they can and can not do. White people have done that for centuries and it's time for the U.S. to let these nations decide their own futures. I believe that is why the Supreme Court approved these policies.

When I looked it up, most of these tribes were matriarchal.  Not in the fact that women lead everything, they didn't. But in the fact that their society was egalitarian. Egalitarian means equal power, or shared power.

But also, the society respected women for their opinions, for their input. When marriages occurred the man would move to the woman's family home and the children would be hers. She would not lose her tribal relations and neither would he, if it was possible.

It's sadly no longer that way for many tribes. Because the entrance of European missionaries and settlers, many tribes adopted European religions and lifestyles, but also the patriarchal society. They lost the ancient tribal languages, their government and so much more.

So, I will be thankful of the labels and identities I can choose to give myself, for some can not give themselves their preferred labels and identities.

Old People are out of date!

My co-worker was complaining about his professor being old. He argued that in no way can business students learn from old professors, especially because old professors sometimes do not use the 'new technology.'

As soon as they die, he stated, we are going to forget everything the old people wanted us to do. So they (the old people) should just forget about teaching us?

Although I agree (and most professors, I'm sure would too) that our technology is taking over businesses and it is important to learn it. I also think that old(er) professors can teach us a lot about interpersonal communication that we may miss out on when we are too busy on our iPads and smartphones.

Not only can these professors teach us about communication, but they can teach us about life.

America has long been about being the bigger country, having the best products and being overall the brightest. Which is not a bad thing! But by doing so, we forget individuality, erase languages, and create a tasteless white world for extraordinary beings to live in.

Ironically, that same day I was reading an article("Who is your mother? Red Roots of White Feminism") for my "women of color in the United States" class and I found this quote:

"The American idea that the best and the brightest should willingly reject and repudiate their origins leads to an allied idea-that history, like everything in the past, is of little value and should be forgotten as quickly as possible. This all too often cause us to reinvent the wheel continually. We find ourselves discovering our collective past over and over, having to retake ground already covered by women in the preceding decades and centuries."

Also ironically we talked about 'picking our battles' in that same class today. I have worked with this individual for over a year. Pointing out his argument flaws would have been a waste of time, he refuses to see it another way, he is set in his own ways and usually misunderstands the idea of a discussion. (Letting other people actually share their side of the story and hearing it.) I could have fought with him for hours stating the pros of working with a professor that is older, and that may or may not use online resources. I could have pointed out the papers this professor had written, the quality of the class and etc. etc. etc. But it would have gone no where.

Some people do not understand that just because they believe their process is the better way, and it very well could be, why it is important to learn all the other ways of doing it. Because even though you may never do it that way, or may do it that way until that person dies, it's not the process that is important, it is the skills you develop upon learning that process. For example, it shows that you are flexible especially with working with people who may be different from you. It also shows that you can learn other processes, because maybe, just maybe your process 10 years from now might be out of date.

Frankly, my professors, both old and young, deserve respect. They are teaching here because they have something for the students to learn. Just because you do not think you are going to use their lessons in the business world or the real world, does not mean you should not learn it. Life can surprise anyone of us and change drastically and suddenly, you have to use that process because your little sidekick phone decided to die on you.

I'm not saying do not challenge the professor, but do not go all out and say the professor is all and all an inadequate one because they will not do it your way, or they are not in your generation. That shows your ignorance and the fact that you really do have a lot to learn.

New School Year, New Start?

Hey readers, I know you all were disappointed in my not updating this the past few weeks. I had training for my Community Advisor job for two weeks from 8am to 8pm EVERYDAY. And even if I had a break, I found myself trying to get to know the fellow staff. I love my staff.

And now that my residents have moved in I find myself with even less time to write and share what I'm learning. My residents are full of energy and that helps remind me why I love being a Community Advisor!

Another reason of why I have not been updating quite as often is because my relationship status (both on facebook and in real life) has changed. I'm dating a wonderful individual and could not be more taken.

The regular school year started yesterday and I have fully enjoyed the first day! I am very excited for this new year for a few reasons. This is my last year! And unlike last year, I have a strong support base to get me through the stressful times of being a student leader, Community Advisor, having a second job and so forth... Needless to say, I do not see the turmoil of events that happened in Fall 2010 repeating itself this year.

So that's just a little update on my life this year. I plan to update this as much as possible, I have so many blog posts in my head that I am psyched to share with you guys and as soon as the business of september ends I will write those just for you, if not before.

Thanks for reading.

Be Good to Your Daughters...

"Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?"



I must say that I have always had a huge problem with this Disney movie. Although the story is really empowering because as a woman at the end Mulan did save the day. However, she only got the chance to save the day after she proved herself as a man for a period of time.

As a daughter, I do not think that it is necessarily a bad thing to be one over a son. Having feminine qualities makes me caring and compassionate, something that Mulan also has. She also risked her life to take her father's place as a soldier. I think that is also a very caring thing. Taking care of aging parents is an important part of life and something that mainly daughters have done over generations.

Women (and men) make many important contributions to society. No one can say that they would be here with out a mother, at least biologically. And no matter how hard you try, you actually need a male substance in your life to have a life.

My point is that women need to be recognized for what they contribute to society. If they do well in a 'traditional men's role', FABULOUS. But if they want to be a traditional women, we need that too.

Women are the only people that can be mothers, either biologically or otherwise. But men can also only be fathers. I am not sure if you can survive with out one or another and be okay. I, being privileged for growing up in a two-parent household, do not understand the trials of being a single mother or father or the implications to being with out one.

I do know that either role is important! Putting the reproductive issues aside, I can recognize that in other ways women and men have contributed a lot to the world. Men have mainly been leaders, something we see switching to women roles at the present. And women have mainly been supportive assistants.

It is stupid and ignorant to say that women can not be leaders because they are better off supporting and caring for others or because they have 'never done it before'.

I foresee, partly because of feminism, women's movements and the push for women to receive and education, that women are not going to just stick to their traditional roles. But I also foresee men, due to essential changes in masculinity, becoming better fathers and not sticking to their traditional roles.

Feminism is not about the domination of women, it's about the equality of the sexes. It's about recognizing the importance of women in history and in the presence around the world. Something that's been ignored because women are an oppressed group in our society...

Our ancestors are not just white and male, they come in many diversities and genders. So let's see what those are before we say it's a shame to be given daughters. Because heck, I would like to think I make my parents proud of me...because what I do, not the sex I was given at birth or the gender I practice.

So how do you REALLY know?

I watched "The Big Gay Musical"(2009) with one of my close friends recently. Good movie, though it mainly focused on gay men instead of the queer community.

It seems that gay men are representated fairly accurately in popular culture. With a few exceptions of course. The film really spoke to a lot of people trying to date in this time period. A lot of people want hookups as opposed to relationships at my age and I know that is hard for a lot of my friends.



It's on Netflix instant play, and it is definitely something you might want to check out. Especially if you are tired of dating/hooking-up/whatever.

But I wanted to raise a good question about movies that show lesbians. I call the media representation of lesbians as 'part-time'. Most of the lesbians that have been shown on movies are extrememly lipstick (feminine), going through a midlife crisis, or psycho. And although it makes a great movie and plot, it also harms the lesbian population. It makes it seem that lesbianism is a phase for women or a part-time sexuality that can be changed if they met a nice man. There is certainly a representation like this in movies for gay men, however, it is not as prominent as men are usually trusted to make their own decisions!

Women, however, are not. "You just haven't met the right guy" the movie goes, and focuses on the women exploring her sexuality but at the end settling for the perfect man. It's like the media finds women inadequate to make their own decisions!


Take a look at a popular movie and play "Rent"(2005). Now the representation for the gay couple is fairly accurate, but the lesbian couple is insecure of their feelings for each other. Maureen, played by Idina Menzel, who is a 'new' lesbian but also a lesbian that flirts with other woman. Her partner Joanne, played by Tracie Thoms, asks her to be exclusive and Maureen agrees only to let Joanne down by flirting with another women. None of Maureens friends seem to believe that her feelings are real for Joanne, just another Maureen phase. Maureen herself seems to believe that Joanne is just another lover to add to her list. Nothing special.


Another movie I watched is "Chloe" (2009), Julianne Moore stars as Catherine a respectable doctor and wife who believes that her husband is cheating on her with his young college students. She hires Chloe, who is played by Amanda Seyfried, to try and seduce her husband to see if he is actually cheating. Chloe and Catherine end up having a sexual relationship and Catherine thinks it is just an affair or a phase. The movie ends with Chloe wanting a relationship with Catherine and doing anything to get it. It is like the movie producers do not trust the characters with their sexuality. Catherine is just going through a midlife crisis and Chloe is a young women who is very crazy.

When men come out in movies or television shows, it is usually accepted through 'looked down upon'. For example, take a look at the show 'Will and Grace', during the flashbacks when Will came out, no one questioned him or told him that 'he didn't meet the right woman'. Jack, who is obviously more flamboyant, was not questioned either.(At least in the episodes I remember) Men are trusted that they know their sexuality, women are not.

"But I'm a Cheerleader" (1999) is another movie that stars a lesbian and it is puzzling to me. The main character, Megan, does not believe she is a lesbian. Her family and friends force her to 'come out' and then send her to a camp to train her to be straight. Of course, she discovers she truly is gay at the end and runs away with her new girlfriend. Which is great that it ends happily and all, but I can't help but think that no one believed her when she said 'I'm not lesbian', do you not trust her to know her own sexuality? In this case, her friends and family ended up being right, but what if they weren't?

Whether you think you are straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, or lesbian---I do not think anyone should be questioned: "are you sure?" "isn't that like a phase?" "are you just sick of dating men/women?" People should trust you to know you and if 'you' change your mind, it's because you are human, not because you are a women.

Media representations of lesbians need to change. They need to start showing lesbians who are confident about their sexuality and their relationships. 'Normal' people who are just trying to get by in this world and love who they want to. Lesbianism is not a phase for all women, it is not something for straight men to watch and think it is hot, it is not a disorder. Women need to be trusted to make their own decisions about their life and this is one of those decisions: who to love. Sexuality does fluctate with some people, but I wish that people would just accept others as who they are.

Sex and the Single

Ask anyone of my close friends: I'm open about my sexuality.

Well technically, I'm open about everything.

Last fall, I was compared to Samantha from Sex and the City. Until this comparison I always thought I was Carrie, the columnist with a wonderful quirky fashions sense. I denied the statement that I was Samantha and I went to Sex and the City 2 with a guy friend. While watching the movie, I realized my friend was right. I was Samantha. Not Carrie. I was never Carrie. Nor could I be Miranda because I was too carefree and Charlotte, Charlotte was much too innocent and pretty to be me.

I was stunned. I watched Sex and the City for years thinking that I was Carrie. Now I am Samantha? How can I deal with that information?

I dealt with it like I usually deal with big changes. I push it deep inside me and try not to think about it.

It's not like I wanted to be Carrie, or Miranda, or Charlotte. But I didn't want to be Samantha. She never had a real stable relationship and it seemed to me that out of the four of them she was always, well, alone.

I do not want to be alone. I want to have great sex with a partner but I want a partner to stay. Like a lot of women I have dreams about my future life with a good looking partner and a few kids and of course, a great job.

I am as some say, a serial dater. It wasn't expected and I certainly did not try to. But I've realized all my relationships have lasted no longer than 3 dates (official or unofficial). Always around date three the relationship ended, sometimes breaking my heart, other times relieving me of added stress that a 'relationship' gives a person.

And I realized through this tumultuously few years of dating, that I am happy being alone.

Being single is a great thing and dating brings you many benefits. As my Sex and the City ladies talk about how wonderful their boyfriends are and what he was doing that pissed them off last, I sit there and wonder if I will ever have a relationship again. Because I really don't want one. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's because I am almost done with college and I am just ready to move on with my life, maybe it's because I'm in denial and I actually really want a relationship. All three of these reasons are valid and probably true. But I do not care.

I enjoy being single because I make decisions for myself that are good for me, not the people I am involved with. I worry that my friends won't be around me when I need them, but when I need someone, I have a friend that is there. My need to be in a relationship is only for sexual circumstances and really, that can be met some other creative ways too.

I realize that out of all four of the ladies of 'Sex and the City' if I grow up to be Samantha, I would not care. She's happy. She gets what she wants out of life and she doesn't let others bring her down. No, she doesn't end up married with kids or married at all. But that is not what she wants. If I follow her footsteps, I will get what I want and I will do good at it. I won't end up in a marriage with a guy named BIG, or with 2 kids named after flowers and a husband who is a bald guy, or a successful attorney with a weird looking husband. I will end up with what I want, whatever that is.

Samantha is the only woman I see in the show who will not bend her values to the needs of her partner.

And I like that. If that makes me alone for the rest of my life, so be it. My choices will be my own and I like being my own agent.

Dear Person in a Relationship that's not working,

I sure hope you read all of this.

You love your partner. I know that. But you once told me that you would not settle. So why are you settling for this person?

This person is everything you wanted. Smart, funny, good looking, confident. But there is something missing. This person does not treat you right.

I know it's hard to admit you. You really like this person. But this person doesn't like you. Even if they say they do.

You deserve better. You deserve a person that treats you right.

I know you have values and goals in life. I know that you can reach those goals with out this person, or with out giving up your values to be with this person.

Please, I am begging you, end it for yourself. End it because you love you.

I pushed myself down the stairs...

So as some of you may know, I got in to a tiff with some concrete the other day while I was on rollerblades. It was not exactly the best night, but I guess it did add to my summer drama.

I look pretty beat up. My arm has a minor fracture and infused joints, so of course I have a cast and a sling. My face also looks like it was banged against the wall.

That's what I wanted to write about today. I have come across a lot of people who assume, sometimes sarcastically, that this was not an accident. "Who beat you?" "Who pushed you down the stairs?" "Were you hit?"

And it is rather amusing to explain that I completely wiped out because I was overconfident on wheels. But not so much that the sexism is still there.

I'd imagine the joke would be with guys: "so how does the other guy look?" "who did you fight with now?"

Sexism at it's finest. In joke form. Offensive is funny, I'll admit it. I laugh at sexist, racist jokes all the time. (I try not to.) Sometime I even make them. (Whoops--that needs to end, I'll admit.)

But the difference that I see is not funny. Why do guys get the power jokes? They have a sense of choice in their injuries. With guys: who did you with? With girls this is: who did this to you?

What I would like to explain to everyone over my blog. This was an accident. And I'm independent (note: also single), if anyone was to push me down the stairs or beat me up: it would be me. I don't let others control me....ever. The only person in charge of my life is me.

Acceptance & Apology Affirmation

Yesterday, I reached a point of maturation that I have never realized before:

I'm tired of hating all that have done wrong to me in the past. I certainly do not need an apology from a person to get over x, y and z or at least move on or be okay with what happened. I do not need this big stand on head circus and a jet writing my name on the sky to be okay.

Of course, that's all welcomed. And if you think you owe me an apology, I am not saying do not apologize. But let's look at what I just said "if you think you owe me an apology". That apology seems to be your issue, not mine. There is one more you than me in that fragment.

Part of the apology is for the victim, but part of the apology is for the person making it. The victim was wronged, yes. But no 'I'm sorry' is going to take away the pain that person felt and might continue to feel. It's possible that the victim will be relieved that they heard it. The victim will feel better knowing that the 'offender' knows what s/he did hurt them and that is a great feeling to have.

But an apology will not take back what happened.

Things happen, the world changes and people change with it.

I know that a lot of the world is looking for an apology from some person or another. And I know that a lot of people just won't get it. What will change if a person that hurts you says 'I'm sorry'?

I know that I will greet all my offenders, whether they apologized or understood how much pain they caused me in a decent, somewhat friendly matter. I have said what I have needed to say to them, I have tried to make them understand my pain and I hope that they do not return to the same behaviors with other people.

My offenders will no longer hurt me. But those memories will. An apology will not take away the pain. And hating them will consume you.

So as I was sliding across the concrete yesterday on my rollerblades and 'biffed it' going down a hill. I remembered one thing, that I was finally okay with what my past gave me to work with. Because those experiences made me the person I am today: an honest, blunt, blooming feminist with a lot of passion to give to others. I do not need an apology from anyone to live my life the way I want to.

What's so wrong with equality?

So I was hoping that the first thing that would pop up when I typed in feminism in google is, you know, a site that actually promoted feminism. But it wasn't; it was this.

Now, first of all, this is horrible, horrible propaganda and this is also terrible for the true Christian cause.

I do not think that women are filing for divorce twice the rate as men because of feminism. I believe that women are filing for divorce because their marriage is not working. Yes, the fact that they can file for divorce is feminism-doing. Thank goodness we have that right.

The fact that they try to prove these anti-feminist agendas with slashed biblical quotes out of context is ridiculous. What a horrible way to use the bible. The bible should be used to unify people, make people love each other, but that might be a little too ideal Utopia thinking on my part.

I don't think Eve sinned because she is a woman. I think she sinned because humans are sinners. Using part of a story to try and say that all women are going to follow her steps is ignorant. Look at all of the evil other men have done while in power. Wars, genocide, massacres, brutalization, torture, rape...can we say that all men are evil just because the past illustrates it? No. We can just hope that anyone will not repeat the same mistakes.

"biblically a woman's place is still in the home?" HELLO, THE BIBLE WAS WRITTEN YEARS AND YEARS AGO. Of course, it saying the same thing. The bible does not change with time. It will always be the same. The world will not.

You'll see many lies in this site. Don't believe everything you read on the internet. Let's be real folks and be critical in what you see. What is so wrong with women wanting to be equal to men? Maybe if equality actually existed the world would not be at the state it is today. (Which is what this website was trying to say: that feminism caused all the world evils...)

If you really want to learn about feminism, lets try a real feminist site. Wikipedia might even work better.

(And just to let you know, that picture of the 'aborted baby' is actually a picture of a premature birth...it says so on the picture. And Whoopi Goldberg is not homosexual...she has not disproved if she is bisexual or not however.)

Why Men Should Take A Women's Studies Course

One of my friends was looking for an elective to take this next fall. I mentioned that he should take women's studies.

His argument went as follows, I do not want to take a Women's Studies course because...:

• "I'd feel like a creeper"
• "every girl would look at me and say 'why is he in here?' ugh to pick up chicks!"
• "they will call me a pig"

Now I understand that it is intimating being in a room of women. We're scary creatures, I mean, we are like programmed to respect all men and give up our lives for our boyfriends/husbands. SOOOO SCARY.

But realistically, I know that most women's studies professors welcome the male students. Why wouldn't they? Males give a completely different perspective. Just like feminism realizes that women of different ethnicity and sexuality may have different experiences and needs. We realize that men may offer a reasonable and logical perspective.

Now not all feminists feel this way. There are a few radical groups of feminists that will not allow men in their groups and will call them a pig. But meeting these radical feminists in these introductory courses is going to be rare. Meeting these radical feminists in a class setting is going to be rare. Women's Studies is like any other class: except you talk about what's going on in the world in basis of sexism, racism, etc. Calling another classmate a pig would not be acceptable in a business class and neither would it be in a women's studies class.

As for people looking at you and judging you, you are pretty much saying that you do not want to take a class because of what others might think or say about you. You probably would not even know those who those people are. I know that in my general education classes no one cared why I was there. It's the same for a general women's studies class. Not taking a class because you care about how others would see you is a lame excuse and shows little courage.

Feminism is not hatred of men. It's about the equality of the sexes. It would be harmful to our movement if we repressed men's feelings and experiences just because of their chromosomal arrangements. Men can use their privilege in society to further our cause and by taking a women's studies class and learning about the issues that affect women day to day-you will be more understanding and maybe in your own way help reach equality.

I know that patriarchy harms men as well as women. I do not want to repress others rights. I want to be equal.

I do not think any man should be scared to take a women's studies class. It's just a class. We talk about issues in our society. Issues that involve humans. Yes, sometimes we talk about how 'men' are the aggressors, the rapists, etc. But we understand that not all men are aggressors or rapists. Not all men are violent. And if you take that class, I am guessing that you are probably not one of the 'bad men'.

Women's Studies is a challenging class as it makes you think about how our societies effect the humans of those societies. You do not have to be a feminist to take a women's studies class. You do not have to be a woman. What you should be is human and willing to learn.

The Feminist Romance Equation

Why is it that women seem to end their social life as soon as they get a significant other? It's like the only thing that exists to them is their love for their boyfriends.

Women do not do this on purpose. We are programmed to give a man whatever he pleases, as long as he doesn't leave. We are fearful that if we do anything wrong, he may leave us. And you may not admit it or realize this until it is too late.

Men? Can I let you in on a little secret? Just threaten to leave her. Just once. And see what happens. I'm guessing 75% of the women you date, will beg you to not leave.

Ladies? Do the same thing. Watch the difference of reactions. My guess is that he will be extremely heartbroken, but let you go.

I'm certainly not condoning the women who do this. Like I said, it is in our programming, reinforced with romance novels, romantic comdies, and advertisments. It's not our fault. Even I, Miss Blooming Feminist who never makes mistakes (HA), have caught myself in relationships where the only social life I had was making sure that he would not leave me and doing anything to prevent it.

Then women get in relationships because all their friends are in relationships and ignoring them. I'm serious. I'm sure you know women that are like "I WANT A RELATIONSHIP" and whine and cry because they hate being single. And when you ask them why, they say "I need someone to talk to/etc." They list reasons and qualities that you can get from a friendship. And why don't they get this from their friends? Because their girl friends are 'in a relationship' and ignoring them for their man!

And yes, as I was sitting in my room last night disastified with my life and wanting to do something different. I thought for the smallest millisecond that my momentary unhappiness would be solved by getting a significant other. Then I slapped myself out of it. I don't need a relationship to be happy, I just need a friend. My 'social needs' can be met by having a good friend. Or a few good friends.

If I were to get in to a relationship in the future, it would be because:

1. I really like the person


2. We get along


3. We have hot hot hot amazing sex(nothing less)


4. We have similar goals for the future, aka that you want to be long term


5. That person treats me right and respects that I will have another social life with friends and a career and may be in and out of college forever and that I want me time at the gym..


6. All of the above must be met in order for me to consider being romantic
   

So for the people that still don't understand what should be a romantic relationship, here is a visual equation I'm always amazed at the number of women I hear when I suggest they should dump their boyfriends because of a very good reasonable argument and their reactions are almost always the same. "I can't dump him! What if he is the one!?!?" Honey, if you got one, you can get another.

Growth.

I was going back in time and reading my blogs from the past. I put in a lot of effort in to my posts and it shows.

But it also gives me hope.

I've been worrying lately that my opinions about life comes because of my denial of moving on. As most of you should know, fall semester was extremely stressful for me. I went through some personal issues and lost a lot of 'friends'.

But reading my posts, I discover how far I come from fall semester. I am more mature, more emotionally stable and moving on. Yes, I'm not moving on as fast as I would like to. But I'm working on it.

I've realized I metamorphosed in to someone that I am proud of. A person I recognize as myself in the mirror and although I don't know where I am going in life, I'm sure it will be somewhere. I'm no longer taken myself for granted and although I feel full of myself sometimes... (I remember introducing myself to someone new recently and saying "I'm pretty awesome...not to be full of myself, because it's true" wonderful, just wonderful.) Anyway. I recognize my potential and writing this blog is just witness to how much potential I have. =]

That's all. Just a short and sweet update.

If Books were the road to complete happiness I'd take it

I've always been a bit of a bookworm. I lived in a different world from everyone else until I started dating. I still read a little bit then though, but not as much as usual because I was so fascinated with love. Then I went to college and got tangled up with a social life.

Now I'm in a phase in my life where I like where my life is headed. Even though I am content of where I am at with life, I still feel like something is missing. This summer I took two English classes and rediscovered my passion for reading. I have myself a 'feminist library' that I started this fall when I decided to change my major. All of them I have not started, here is my collection and what I am going to read to feed my hunger for 'something else' in my life. I'm hoping that it spices up my blog posts and helps me feed that small part of my belly that never seems to get completely full.

The Compassionate Carnivore

Pornland

Finish the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Series

The Street

For Colored Girls

Invisible Man

The Bluest Eye

Feminism and Pop Culture

Our Guys

The Scarlett Letter

Do It Anyway

I don't know if you noticed. But these books may or may not have anything to do with feminism. But I like to include all sorts of experiences when I think of feminism. I do believe we can not have equality of the sexes and genders until we have equality from every other group in the world. So if you have a recommendation of a good fiction or non-fiction book or author that would help me think in a different perspective, please let me know. =]

(This was coincidental that I started this new goal for myself the day that the last Harry Potter movie came out!)

The End Starts with YOU.

I decided to take an ethnic studies class my freshman year. Partially because I needed it to fit the requirements of the general educational program and partially because it sounded like fun.

And it was fun. I took Introduction to American Indian Studies and loved it. Then this spring I took up a minor in it. At first, I wanted to use my 'whiteness' in good ways and I stated that I was taking these classes to learn about the cultures of our ethinicities in American. But I also wanted to stop oppression of these groups.

Since I am a women's studies major, I understand that I am oppressed. And until I started taking more ethnic studies classes, I didn't understand how closely I allign myself with people of color. Because most people of color understand that their oppressed. People of my gender...do not.

I think all women understand that they are viewed as inferior of men. But most women can excuse that away, saying that as soon as they get married that her husband will have the privilege they need. (Assume that they are heterosexual, which isn't always the case.) There are the women who do not fit the feminine women example and they are excused as deviant to the gender. If they do not have a slender body, they are labeled as obese, or overweight. Not fitting in to social norms, their are plenty of psychological disorders that they could be diagnosed with. (Remember homosexuality was a disorder in the psychological world until GLB activists won that battle. Being a crossdresser or a transvestite is still a disorder...) These women don't fit so they are given a label so that they are an exception, not a woman. And certaintly they aren't oppressed because they are women. That's not why they are oppressed, they have a disorder!

Okay ladies, you understand you are held inferior, but marrying a man is not going to get you to an equal status. And it is certainly not going to save you from being oppressed. Getting diagnosed with a disorder may not help either.

I recognized that I was oppressed. I am not immune from gender oppression because I'm white, or blonde, or blue eyed. Yes, I have privileges but I am still oppressed.

I try to talk to non-women studies majors about this (and some women's studies majors are not feminists or blooming feminists, so it's hard to talk to them too). I try to find spaces where I can be seen as an equal and not an inferior. And it's hard, because so many women are brainwashed in to thinking that we have the same opportunity as men.

Well ladies, you have a disorder called INTERNALIZED OPPRESSION. Yup, you are oppressed. Not because individuals in your life are oppressing you, but you are.

You are trained to think that you are inferior so you accept the low paying jobs, you do not take the hardest classes at your institutions, you may even act dumb and giggly to get men's attention (and eventually a husband). You may not exactly believe this, but society has taught you to not expect more. You speak up, you get told to shut up. If you are sad, then you get pills. You don't fit the feminine body type, you must get plastic surgery or lose weight for goodness sake.

I'm so tired of women telling me that I need to dumb down/pretty up in order to get a male partner. What if I do not want a partner? "Well you will, eventually."

Uhmmm, right now I don't. So why don't you spend your own time realizing that you have accepted a job that you hate and don't make shit, that your husband controls everything you do, and you have no personal opinion about anything. Because I'd rather be lonely forever, then have a job that I despise, not be able to make my own choices, and not be able to think.

Listen up, Ladies: You have a CHOICE in life. You can accept being degraded and not being a complete person. Or you can be your own person. Your thinking is the biggest obstacle in becoming you. Or lack of thinking...in this case.

My Search for the Dream Sugar Daddy...(or not)

Earlier this month I expressed my disgust with the members of the male sex who I have dated in the past. I know I share these concerns with plenty of other young women (and some men) who have had their hearts brokens and sometimes, dream shattered, at an end of a relationship or even during a relationship.

Me being my curious self started to examine what other kinds of relationships I could have with the male persuasion. Dating and romantic relationships are out for a short period of time until I decide there is a man that is worth the headache of a relationship.

Well obviously I, a woman, can be friends with members of the male sex. It has happened before and I have plenty of close guy friends. This raises a few issues however, because it seems like either one or sometimes both of us go in and out of attraction for one another. I do not have a guy friend that I have not had a 'crush' one at one point or another and I know I have some guy friends that have at least considered me attractive. And even if we both really like each other, I am no longer even considering dating a friend. Their friendship is more important than a romantic relationship.

So being friends with a guy definitely counts and is okay. You just have to learn how to deal with each other possibly falling in love with one another and not acting on it. =/

Then last night I came up with an idea of becoming a SUGAR BABY. You heard me. For a brief moment (or a few hours) HANNAH -a women's studies major and blooming feminist-considered getting a sugar daddy.

Don't ask me why I considered this a good idea. I mean, good lord, how do you even find one of those??!?!

I found the answer. ONLINE. No, seriously, there are sites that you can search for a male that will help you find your dream sugar daddy.

Okay, Okay. I am hoping to find a guy that may or may not be a celebrity or at least a celebrity look-a-like. A guy that would yes, respect that I am a gorgeous young lady but that I also have a brain.

Then I realized that I probably wouldn't find a guy like that there. And the dread is that maybe I won't have a partner anytime soon that respects me for both those things. In the first time in twenty years I finally see myself as beautiful and deserving of a loving healthy possibly romantic relationship. And although I am in no hurry to start finding that person, it would be nice to realize that people out there exist!

But for now, I am happy being single. Though I do look forward to the day that I can have a healthy and happy relationship that reflects the values I hold. And that person respects me for my values and respects my opinions.

(Note: Ladies and Gentlemen, if you are in a relationship that isn't healthy. Please, please, please, please, go to counseling together or seperate and try to make it healthy. Even end it. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship!!!)

That Tick Tocking is not my Biological Clock...

Everyone asks me what my dreams are for my future.

It's a crazy question. And I dislike it very much. What are you talking about when you ask that question? My career, my personal life, what I dream about night to night?

Half the time I assume they are talking about my career and I tell them the career I'm going for that day or hour or moment. They are amazed that I'm majoring in Women's Studies and have no idea what I could do with it. (Again, a lot.)

I want to be successful. But more importantly I want to do more than that. People call me a feminist, and I guess I am one. They get completely flustered when I tell them the truth.

What's the truth?

I want to have a family.

The thing is the only reason I want to be successful in my career is to have a family.

Now please don't confuse this idea of having a family with being a wife or a mother full-time.

Don't confuse this post with some ramblings about how I want to be pregnant by 28 so I better find my husband now.

Don't even connect this idea with a husband at all.

Around age 30 and sometimes earlier, women start getting anxious...WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE KIDS.

This is not because they have clock in their biology, like some scientists state. This has everything to do with societal norms.

I used to up until very recently connecte the idea of family and motherhood to the process of pregnancy. Can I let you in on a secret? Pregnancy has nothing to do with family or motherhood.
You are no less of a woman if you can not have children. (This goes the same for men) You don't even have to want children to be a woman or to have a family.

Have I confused you yet?

It's okay because I'm always confused.

But if there is one thing I am not confused about is that I want to have a family. That's my fricking dream. And I'm a fricking feminist! Deal with it.

Forget about the expensive egg freezing options, or invitro or the 'natural' process of becoming a mother. Forget survival of the fittest. Forget about the whole idea of passing 'your genes down.'

I don't want to pass my genes down. I want to pass my knowledge down. That's the most important part of being a mother. Not getting pregnant, not taking your kids to soccer games, not being with the father of your child.

It's not about how you had the child, when you had the child, or even being around for 18 years. Believe me, when I decided I actually wanted to be a mom. I flipped out. And I wasn't even 20 years old yet. It's a scary thought. You only have so many eggs and you don't want to be a young mother or an old mother and then the rest of the world is telling you what you should and shouldn't do.


I know I follow the traditional gender roles of being nurturing and loving and sensitive and whatever the frick you want to label me as. I'm fine with that. I'm not going to try hard to become a stereotypical feminist, or to fit the role as a feminist. As so many people call me, I would like to remind you that labels are not my thing. So call me what you want but that doesn't mean I'm gonna behave how you want me to with that label!

I want women and men to be able to choose their path. I believe that we live in a patrarchial society and that causes women to suffer oppression. I don't like that women suffer and that they think that their is only one way to do things in life. And it goes like this: meet boy, force him in to marriage, get married, have kids, push kids for grandkids, die. Any different and the world is in to an uproar. I'm only twenty and I have seen girls doing this, frick, I have said things like this...

Forget what people say, or how loudly your biological clock is ticking. Do what you want to do. You want to be a successful attorney. Go for it. Do you hate children? Then please don't feel the need to have them. Just because someone says "when are you going to get married/have children?" doesn't mean that you actually have to do that...News flash, you don't have to do anything you do not want to do.





Your biological clock is made up. Yes, you can't have children after a certain age, but that doesn't mean you can't adopt or foster children. People get so caught up in this fertility debate, they see Kate Goslin popping out twins and then more, then another person popping out octuplets. Another women on TLC has like 19 kids...

You can be a mother in so many different ways and have no children of your own. Heck, you do not even have to adopt or foster to be a mother. My point is if you want children, then that's fine. But I feel like worrying about when you have them, how you have them, etc. etc. etc. takes away so much joy from actually being a mom.

I'm gonna reach that dream. And I'm gonna have a family. It may not be a family like everyone expects: a husband 2.3 kids and a white picket fence. Or it may be just that...who even knows anymore?

My NOT Family Friendly Version of Happily Ever After

I find myself more and more desiring the company of gay male companions than those that are straight.

Yes, I will admit it. I'm one of those crazy girls with the gay posse. Not exactly. But I like to think so. I am married to one...in a very platonic but dreamy way. Read on if you wish...but let me warn you, I use technical terms for both a hole and a stick....

What Brings You Here

Germany 42 Canada 33 United Kingdom 14 United Arab Emirates 11 Russia 11 Guatemala 5 Singapore 5 Philippines 4 Israel 3

Though most of my readers are from the USA!!

Above are where my international! readers are from:

I know why I am here, I love learning. For some reason I love sharing what I learn as well! But here is your time to share!! I want to know why you read, I want to know what's the most interesting post I have posted (in your opinion) because although my counts say that you guys have read my 'God Post' a total of 35 times!!! I don't believe numbers. They are too logical. Usually readers don't like to share; they like to remain anonymous. That's okay.

If you are my Facebook friend, messages are okay with me, I won't share it with anyone if you specify.

However, for the readers that would like to take one more step to anonymity or don't know me in real life, I created an email just for your input, it's findingfeminism@hotmail.com So send me a message.

I want to know about you, and what you like (and dislike) about this blog.

Thanks for reading!!!

Always,

Hannahkdee

P.S. this isn't the only time you can let me know what you feel! Send me a line (or two or three or a hundred) anytime!!!