Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Old People are out of date!

My co-worker was complaining about his professor being old. He argued that in no way can business students learn from old professors, especially because old professors sometimes do not use the 'new technology.'

As soon as they die, he stated, we are going to forget everything the old people wanted us to do. So they (the old people) should just forget about teaching us?

Although I agree (and most professors, I'm sure would too) that our technology is taking over businesses and it is important to learn it. I also think that old(er) professors can teach us a lot about interpersonal communication that we may miss out on when we are too busy on our iPads and smartphones.

Not only can these professors teach us about communication, but they can teach us about life.

America has long been about being the bigger country, having the best products and being overall the brightest. Which is not a bad thing! But by doing so, we forget individuality, erase languages, and create a tasteless white world for extraordinary beings to live in.

Ironically, that same day I was reading an article("Who is your mother? Red Roots of White Feminism") for my "women of color in the United States" class and I found this quote:

"The American idea that the best and the brightest should willingly reject and repudiate their origins leads to an allied idea-that history, like everything in the past, is of little value and should be forgotten as quickly as possible. This all too often cause us to reinvent the wheel continually. We find ourselves discovering our collective past over and over, having to retake ground already covered by women in the preceding decades and centuries."
Also ironically we talked about 'picking our battles' in that same class today. I have worked with this individual for over a year. Pointing out his argument flaws would have been a waste of time, he refuses to see it another way, he is set in his own ways and usually misunderstands the idea of a discussion. (Letting other people actually share their side of the story and hearing it.) I could have fought with him for hours stating the pros of working with a professor that is older, and that may or may not use online resources. I could have pointed out the papers this professor had written, the quality of the class and etc. etc. etc. But it would have gone no where.

Some people do not understand that just because they believe their process is the better way, and it very well could be, why it is important to learn all the other ways of doing it. Because even though you may never do it that way, or may do it that way until that person dies, it's not the process that is important, it is the skills you develop upon learning that process. For example, it shows that you are flexible especially with working with people who may be different from you. It also shows that you can learn other processes, because maybe, just maybe your process 10 years from now might be out of date.

Frankly, my professors, both old and young, deserve respect. They are teaching here because they have something for the students to learn. Just because you do not think you are going to use their lessons in the business world or the real world, does not mean you should not learn it. Life can surprise anyone of us and change drastically and suddenly, you have to use that process because your little sidekick phone decided to die on you.

I'm not saying do not challenge the professor, but do not go all out and say the professor is all and all an inadequate one because they will not do it your way, or they are not in your generation. That shows your ignorance and the fact that you really do have a lot to learn.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

New School Year, New Start?

Hey readers, I know you all were disappointed in my not updating this the past few weeks. I had training for my Community Advisor job for two weeks from 8am to 8pm EVERYDAY. And even if I had a break, I found myself trying to get to know the fellow staff. I love my staff.

And now that my residents have moved in I find myself with even less time to write and share what I'm learning. My residents are full of energy and that helps remind me why I love being a Community Advisor!

Another reason of why I have not been updating quite as often is because my relationship status (both on facebook and in real life) has changed. I'm dating a wonderful individual and could not be more taken.

The regular school year started yesterday and I have fully enjoyed the first day! I am very excited for this new year for a few reasons. This is my last year! And unlike last year, I have a strong support base to get me through the stressful times of being a student leader, Community Advisor, having a second job and so forth... Needless to say, I do not see the turmoil of events that happened in Fall 2010 repeating itself this year.

So that's just a little update on my life this year. I plan to update this as much as possible, I have so many blog posts in my head that I am psyched to share with you guys and as soon as the business of september ends I will write those just for you, if not before.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Be Good to Your Daughters...

"Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?"



I must say that I have always had a huge problem with this Disney movie. Although the story is really empowering because as a woman at the end Mulan did save the day. However, she only got the chance to save the day after she proved herself as a man for a period of time.

As a daughter, I do not think that it is necessarily a bad thing to be one over a son. Having feminine qualities makes me caring and compassionate, something that Mulan also has. She also risked her life to take her father's place as a soldier. I think that is also a very caring thing. Taking care of aging parents is an important part of life and something that mainly daughters have done over generations.

Women (and men) make many important contributions to society. No one can say that they would be here with out a mother, at least biologically. And no matter how hard you try, you actually need a male substance in your life to have a life.

My point is that women need to be recognized for what they contribute to society. If they do well in a 'traditional men's role', FABULOUS. But if they want to be a traditional women, we need that too.

Women are the only people that can be mothers, either biologically or otherwise. But men can also only be fathers. I am not sure if you can survive with out one or another and be okay. I, being privileged for growing up in a two-parent household, do not understand the trials of being a single mother or father or the implications to being with out one.

I do know that either role is important! Putting the reproductive issues aside, I can recognize that in other ways women and men have contributed a lot to the world. Men have mainly been leaders, something we see switching to women roles at the present. And women have mainly been supportive assistants.

It is stupid and ignorant to say that women can not be leaders because they are better off supporting and caring for others or because they have 'never done it before'.

I foresee, partly because of feminism, women's movements and the push for women to receive and education, that women are not going to just stick to their traditional roles. But I also foresee men, due to essential changes in masculinity, becoming better fathers and not sticking to their traditional roles.

Feminism is not about the domination of women, it's about the equality of the sexes. It's about recognizing the importance of women in history and in the presence around the world. Something that's been ignored because women are an oppressed group in our society...

Our ancestors are not just white and male, they come in many diversities and genders. So let's see what those are before we say it's a shame to be given daughters. Because heck, I would like to think I make my parents proud of me...because what I do, not the sex I was given at birth or the gender I practice.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

So how do you REALLY know?

I watched "The Big Gay Musical"(2009) with one of my close friends recently. Good movie, though it mainly focused on gay men instead of the queer community.

It seems that gay men are representated fairly accurately in popular culture. With a few exceptions of course. The film really spoke to a lot of people trying to date in this time period. A lot of people want hookups as opposed to relationships at my age and I know that is hard for a lot of my friends.



It's on Netflix instant play, and it is definitely something you might want to check out. Especially if you are tired of dating/hooking-up/whatever.

But I wanted to raise a good question about movies that show lesbians. I call the media representation of lesbians as 'part-time'. Most of the lesbians that have been shown on movies are extrememly lipstick (feminine), going through a midlife crisis, or psycho. And although it makes a great movie and plot, it also harms the lesbian population. It makes it seem that lesbianism is a phase for women or a part-time sexuality that can be changed if they met a nice man. There is certainly a representation like this in movies for gay men, however, it is not as prominent as men are usually trusted to make their own decisions!

Women, however, are not. "You just haven't met the right guy" the movie goes, and focuses on the women exploring her sexuality but at the end settling for the perfect man. It's like the media finds women inadequate to make their own decisions!


Take a look at a popular movie and play "Rent"(2005). Now the representation for the gay couple is fairly accurate, but the lesbian couple is insecure of their feelings for each other. Maureen, played by Idina Menzel, who is a 'new' lesbian but also a lesbian that flirts with other woman. Her partner Joanne, played by Tracie Thoms, asks her to be exclusive and Maureen agrees only to let Joanne down by flirting with another women. None of Maureens friends seem to believe that her feelings are real for Joanne, just another Maureen phase. Maureen herself seems to believe that Joanne is just another lover to add to her list. Nothing special.


Another movie I watched is "Chloe" (2009), Julianne Moore stars as Catherine a respectable doctor and wife who believes that her husband is cheating on her with his young college students. She hires Chloe, who is played by Amanda Seyfried, to try and seduce her husband to see if he is actually cheating. Chloe and Catherine end up having a sexual relationship and Catherine thinks it is just an affair or a phase. The movie ends with Chloe wanting a relationship with Catherine and doing anything to get it. It is like the movie producers do not trust the characters with their sexuality. Catherine is just going through a midlife crisis and Chloe is a young women who is very crazy.

When men come out in movies or television shows, it is usually accepted through 'looked down upon'. For example, take a look at the show 'Will and Grace', during the flashbacks when Will came out, no one questioned him or told him that 'he didn't meet the right woman'. Jack, who is obviously more flamboyant, was not questioned either.(At least in the episodes I remember) Men are trusted that they know their sexuality, women are not.

"But I'm a Cheerleader" (1999) is another movie that stars a lesbian and it is puzzling to me. The main character, Megan, does not believe she is a lesbian. Her family and friends force her to 'come out' and then send her to a camp to train her to be straight. Of course, she discovers she truly is gay at the end and runs away with her new girlfriend. Which is great that it ends happily and all, but I can't help but think that no one believed her when she said 'I'm not lesbian', do you not trust her to know her own sexuality? In this case, her friends and family ended up being right, but what if they weren't?

Whether you think you are straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, or lesbian---I do not think anyone should be questioned: "are you sure?" "isn't that like a phase?" "are you just sick of dating men/women?" People should trust you to know you and if 'you' change your mind, it's because you are human, not because you are a women.

Media representations of lesbians need to change. They need to start showing lesbians who are confident about their sexuality and their relationships. 'Normal' people who are just trying to get by in this world and love who they want to. Lesbianism is not a phase for all women, it is not something for straight men to watch and think it is hot, it is not a disorder. Women need to be trusted to make their own decisions about their life and this is one of those decisions: who to love. Sexuality does fluctate with some people, but I wish that people would just accept others as who they are.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Sex and the Single

Ask anyone of my close friends: I'm open about my sexuality.

Well technically, I'm open about everything.

Last fall, I was compared to Samantha from Sex and the City. Until this comparison I always thought I was Carrie, the columnist with a wonderful quirky fashions sense. I denied the statement that I was Samantha and I went to Sex and the City 2 with a guy friend. While watching the movie, I realized my friend was right. I was Samantha. Not Carrie. I was never Carrie. Nor could I be Miranda because I was too carefree and Charlotte, Charlotte was much too innocent and pretty to be me.

I was stunned. I watched Sex and the City for years thinking that I was Carrie. Now I am Samantha? How can I deal with that information?

I dealt with it like I usually deal with big changes. I push it deep inside me and try not to think about it.

It's not like I wanted to be Carrie, or Miranda, or Charlotte. But I didn't want to be Samantha. She never had a real stable relationship and it seemed to me that out of the four of them she was always, well, alone.

I do not want to be alone. I want to have great sex with a partner but I want a partner to stay. Like a lot of women I have dreams about my future life with a good looking partner and a few kids and of course, a great job.

I am as some say, a serial dater. It wasn't expected and I certainly did not try to. But I've realized all my relationships have lasted no longer than 3 dates (official or unofficial). Always around date three the relationship ended, sometimes breaking my heart, other times relieving me of added stress that a 'relationship' gives a person.

And I realized through this tumultuously few years of dating, that I am happy being alone.

Being single is a great thing and dating brings you many benefits. As my Sex and the City ladies talk about how wonderful their boyfriends are and what he was doing that pissed them off last, I sit there and wonder if I will ever have a relationship again. Because I really don't want one. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's because I am almost done with college and I am just ready to move on with my life, maybe it's because I'm in denial and I actually really want a relationship. All three of these reasons are valid and probably true. But I do not care.

I enjoy being single because I make decisions for myself that are good for me, not the people I am involved with. I worry that my friends won't be around me when I need them, but when I need someone, I have a friend that is there. My need to be in a relationship is only for sexual circumstances and really, that can be met some other creative ways too.

I realize that out of all four of the ladies of 'Sex and the City' if I grow up to be Samantha, I would not care. She's happy. She gets what she wants out of life and she doesn't let others bring her down. No, she doesn't end up married with kids or married at all. But that is not what she wants. If I follow her footsteps, I will get what I want and I will do good at it. I won't end up in a marriage with a guy named BIG, or with 2 kids named after flowers and a husband who is a bald guy, or a successful attorney with a weird looking husband. I will end up with what I want, whatever that is.

Samantha is the only woman I see in the show who will not bend her values to the needs of her partner.

And I like that. If that makes me alone for the rest of my life, so be it. My choices will be my own and I like being my own agent.