Be Good to Your Daughters...

"Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?"



I must say that I have always had a huge problem with this Disney movie. Although the story is really empowering because as a woman at the end Mulan did save the day. However, she only got the chance to save the day after she proved herself as a man for a period of time.

As a daughter, I do not think that it is necessarily a bad thing to be one over a son. Having feminine qualities makes me caring and compassionate, something that Mulan also has. She also risked her life to take her father's place as a soldier. I think that is also a very caring thing. Taking care of aging parents is an important part of life and something that mainly daughters have done over generations.

Women (and men) make many important contributions to society. No one can say that they would be here with out a mother, at least biologically. And no matter how hard you try, you actually need a male substance in your life to have a life.

My point is that women need to be recognized for what they contribute to society. If they do well in a 'traditional men's role', FABULOUS. But if they want to be a traditional women, we need that too.

Women are the only people that can be mothers, either biologically or otherwise. But men can also only be fathers. I am not sure if you can survive with out one or another and be okay. I, being privileged for growing up in a two-parent household, do not understand the trials of being a single mother or father or the implications to being with out one.

I do know that either role is important! Putting the reproductive issues aside, I can recognize that in other ways women and men have contributed a lot to the world. Men have mainly been leaders, something we see switching to women roles at the present. And women have mainly been supportive assistants.

It is stupid and ignorant to say that women can not be leaders because they are better off supporting and caring for others or because they have 'never done it before'.

I foresee, partly because of feminism, women's movements and the push for women to receive and education, that women are not going to just stick to their traditional roles. But I also foresee men, due to essential changes in masculinity, becoming better fathers and not sticking to their traditional roles.

Feminism is not about the domination of women, it's about the equality of the sexes. It's about recognizing the importance of women in history and in the presence around the world. Something that's been ignored because women are an oppressed group in our society...

Our ancestors are not just white and male, they come in many diversities and genders. So let's see what those are before we say it's a shame to be given daughters. Because heck, I would like to think I make my parents proud of me...because what I do, not the sex I was given at birth or the gender I practice.

Acceptance & Apology Affirmation

Yesterday, I reached a point of maturation that I have never realized before:

I'm tired of hating all that have done wrong to me in the past. I certainly do not need an apology from a person to get over x, y and z or at least move on or be okay with what happened. I do not need this big stand on head circus and a jet writing my name on the sky to be okay.

Of course, that's all welcomed. And if you think you owe me an apology, I am not saying do not apologize. But let's look at what I just said "if you think you owe me an apology". That apology seems to be your issue, not mine. There is one more you than me in that fragment.

Part of the apology is for the victim, but part of the apology is for the person making it. The victim was wronged, yes. But no 'I'm sorry' is going to take away the pain that person felt and might continue to feel. It's possible that the victim will be relieved that they heard it. The victim will feel better knowing that the 'offender' knows what s/he did hurt them and that is a great feeling to have.

But an apology will not take back what happened.

Things happen, the world changes and people change with it.

I know that a lot of the world is looking for an apology from some person or another. And I know that a lot of people just won't get it. What will change if a person that hurts you says 'I'm sorry'?

I know that I will greet all my offenders, whether they apologized or understood how much pain they caused me in a decent, somewhat friendly matter. I have said what I have needed to say to them, I have tried to make them understand my pain and I hope that they do not return to the same behaviors with other people.

My offenders will no longer hurt me. But those memories will. An apology will not take away the pain. And hating them will consume you.

So as I was sliding across the concrete yesterday on my rollerblades and 'biffed it' going down a hill. I remembered one thing, that I was finally okay with what my past gave me to work with. Because those experiences made me the person I am today: an honest, blunt, blooming feminist with a lot of passion to give to others. I do not need an apology from anyone to live my life the way I want to.

The Best Thing College Has Given To Me

Wow. I seem to be in a blogging mood lately.

I definitely would recommend people to be as involved in college as you can, and speaking from experience, this is not hard to do.

Of course, it means many late nights and less time for studying but overall it is a great feeling when you finish a semester with a high GPA and many fond memories.

But that is not why I am blogging today.

I went through high school with a small amount of friends that I spoke to between and in classes, but after school was out, we rarely hung out. I was not given the social support I needed from my friendships and I turned to a romantic relationship I said. This relationship was unstable and unhealthy as I turned to this individual for all my support.

Please note that this is not a post designed to hurt the individual I dated for almost three years of my life though it may come off so. This is a post to reflect what *I* have learned from it. I burdened this individual emotionally and I have come to accept that I maybe placed too much responsiblity of my happiness in his hands for an average human being to deal with.

I have spent almost two years reflecting and growing over the subject of my romantic life. Joining these student organizations has helped me in so many ways, but one of the most, it has given me support beyond belief.

I am now able to recognize the signs of an unhealthy behavior and stop it before it becomes too harmful for myself. Although I have been single for the majority of these last two years, I have been more happier than I was in a relationship. I have had healthy relationships since then and although most of them ended, I did not feel like I needed another one to survive.

I depended on my ex to survive emotionally. This individual broke up with me for a short time in February of my senior year and I felt completely alone. More than alone. I thought this was a sign of true love, but now I realize it was a sign of dependency.

I recognize this dependency in other woman around me. We are social beings and we need social support. A romantic relationship is one way of getting that support. Notice I said one way.

When I started college, I wanted to have friends to hang out with. And I wanted to include my significant other on this journey. I realized quickly that this wasn't going to happen. I remember realizing this and instead of feeling devastated as I was at the last break up, I was relieved.

Even though my friendships were still developing at this point, I knew I had the support I needed to end the relationship. So I did.

I have never regretted this decision.

Some of those friendships I turned to for support at this time have ended. This is sad. I do not think I have thanked them for being there when I needed them. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For the ones that were there and continue to be there for me, thank you as well. These people mean so much to me, even though some of us are no longer friends.

But the biggest support I received was from the organizations I was involved with the past few years. Of course, this is where I maintained and formed many friendships, both temporary and longer lasting. And this is why I encourage all the students I come across to be as involved as you want to be.

As I approach my last year in my undergraduate education, I am realizing for the first time in my life I am making decisions for myself.

Two years ago when I made the decision to go to this insitution, it was not for me, it was for the relationship. When I was debating whether or not to join the Marines, I barely even considered it because of the views of my partner. But now, I decided against the Peace Corps option with out any input of anyone else.

I wouldn't be able to be independent with out the support of so many individuals around me. That seems like an oxymoron but trust me, it's not possible to be independent with out people around you.

What's the best thing College has given me? Support wins by a large landslide.

And I decided to change my major on an epiphany-like-rush, but something that being a Women's Studies major taught me early on is that in order to receive change in society you must support all others around you. Then as you are supporting others, they support you and change is quicker and a more positive thing.