Earlier this month I expressed my disgust with the members of the male sex who I have dated in the past. I know I share these concerns with plenty of other young women (and some men) who have had their hearts brokens and sometimes, dream shattered, at an end of a relationship or even during a relationship.
Me being my curious self started to examine what other kinds of relationships I could have with the male persuasion. Dating and romantic relationships are out for a short period of time until I decide there is a man that is worth the headache of a relationship.
Well obviously I, a woman, can be friends with members of the male sex. It has happened before and I have plenty of close guy friends. This raises a few issues however, because it seems like either one or sometimes both of us go in and out of attraction for one another. I do not have a guy friend that I have not had a 'crush' one at one point or another and I know I have some guy friends that have at least considered me attractive. And even if we both really like each other, I am no longer even considering dating a friend. Their friendship is more important than a romantic relationship.
So being friends with a guy definitely counts and is okay. You just have to learn how to deal with each other possibly falling in love with one another and not acting on it. =/
Then last night I came up with an idea of becoming a SUGAR BABY. You heard me. For a brief moment (or a few hours) HANNAH -a women's studies major and blooming feminist-considered getting a sugar daddy.
Don't ask me why I considered this a good idea. I mean, good lord, how do you even find one of those??!?!
I found the answer. ONLINE. No, seriously, there are sites that you can search for a male that will help you find your dream sugar daddy.
Okay, Okay. I am hoping to find a guy that may or may not be a celebrity or at least a celebrity look-a-like. A guy that would yes, respect that I am a gorgeous young lady but that I also have a brain.
Then I realized that I probably wouldn't find a guy like that there. And the dread is that maybe I won't have a partner anytime soon that respects me for both those things. In the first time in twenty years I finally see myself as beautiful and deserving of a loving healthy possibly romantic relationship. And although I am in no hurry to start finding that person, it would be nice to realize that people out there exist!
But for now, I am happy being single. Though I do look forward to the day that I can have a healthy and happy relationship that reflects the values I hold. And that person respects me for my values and respects my opinions.
(Note: Ladies and Gentlemen, if you are in a relationship that isn't healthy. Please, please, please, please, go to counseling together or seperate and try to make it healthy. Even end it. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship!!!)
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Love of Others
I have to admit. I was down the past week.
It wasn't anything major I just realized a lot of things about my current life that I was not looking at in the right perspective.
I'm a strong person. Or I try to be. I give off the sign of being confident and well put together. I don't have the lowest confidence in the world, but I definitely don't believe that I am CONFIDENT.
This past two years at college has changed me for the better. I still have flaws to fix, but I'm a constantly striving to being a 100% person. Finding Feminism and trying to live a feminist lifestyle this past semester has been a struggle.
I realized that these past two years have also been filled with heartbreak and broken promises. It's been filled with a lot of tears over relationships, friendships, and disappointments.
Then I realized that come September no one has said I love you to me. in two years. two. years.
I thought that had to be wrong. I mean, I had boyfriends these past two years. I had to have someone say 'I love you' and mean it. No. I was right. Come September not one guy has said 'I love you.'
That severely worried me. Was I unlovable? Did I not deserve love? What am I doing wrong that someone has not shared that feeling for me?
Then I remembered. So many people say 'I love you' to me everyday. My friends and my sisters. At least twice a day, some one reminds me that they love me. I've never noticed before because I've been looking at the wrong kind of love.
Romantic is not the only kind of love. That's not the only kind of love you need. Some may argue that you do not need the romantic kind of love.
And those people that tell me "I love you", I actually mean it when I say "I love you, too".
I was so busy being upset over not having romantic love, I forgot all about the love I have already. The love from my friendships, the love from my sisters, the love from even my classmates.
I used to think that I will never feel unconditional love until I have children. But now I am realizing that I do have unconditional love. Just check my Facebook wall, look at my life, look at the people who surround me everyday.
So many individuals are looking for love. They are looking for 'the person' to spend the rest of their life with.
Well I'm not. I'm not looking for love. I have love. I have the people I want to spend the rest of my life with.
And I think that is truly what feminism is to me. It's about realizing what you do have is precious and worthwhile. It's about finding what is important to you and not letting anyone steal that away. It's about how everyone needs the love of others, not just the love of one.
Friday, May 27, 2011
The Best Thing College Has Given To Me
Wow. I seem to be in a blogging mood lately.
I definitely would recommend people to be as involved in college as you can, and speaking from experience, this is not hard to do.
Of course, it means many late nights and less time for studying but overall it is a great feeling when you finish a semester with a high GPA and many fond memories.
But that is not why I am blogging today.
I went through high school with a small amount of friends that I spoke to between and in classes, but after school was out, we rarely hung out. I was not given the social support I needed from my friendships and I turned to a romantic relationship I said. This relationship was unstable and unhealthy as I turned to this individual for all my support.
Please note that this is not a post designed to hurt the individual I dated for almost three years of my life though it may come off so. This is a post to reflect what *I* have learned from it. I burdened this individual emotionally and I have come to accept that I maybe placed too much responsiblity of my happiness in his hands for an average human being to deal with.
I have spent almost two years reflecting and growing over the subject of my romantic life. Joining these student organizations has helped me in so many ways, but one of the most, it has given me support beyond belief.
I am now able to recognize the signs of an unhealthy behavior and stop it before it becomes too harmful for myself. Although I have been single for the majority of these last two years, I have been more happier than I was in a relationship. I have had healthy relationships since then and although most of them ended, I did not feel like I needed another one to survive.
I depended on my ex to survive emotionally. This individual broke up with me for a short time in February of my senior year and I felt completely alone. More than alone. I thought this was a sign of true love, but now I realize it was a sign of dependency.
I recognize this dependency in other woman around me. We are social beings and we need social support. A romantic relationship is one way of getting that support. Notice I said one way.
When I started college, I wanted to have friends to hang out with. And I wanted to include my significant other on this journey. I realized quickly that this wasn't going to happen. I remember realizing this and instead of feeling devastated as I was at the last break up, I was relieved.
Even though my friendships were still developing at this point, I knew I had the support I needed to end the relationship. So I did.
I have never regretted this decision.
Some of those friendships I turned to for support at this time have ended. This is sad. I do not think I have thanked them for being there when I needed them. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For the ones that were there and continue to be there for me, thank you as well. These people mean so much to me, even though some of us are no longer friends.
But the biggest support I received was from the organizations I was involved with the past few years. Of course, this is where I maintained and formed many friendships, both temporary and longer lasting. And this is why I encourage all the students I come across to be as involved as you want to be.
As I approach my last year in my undergraduate education, I am realizing for the first time in my life I am making decisions for myself.
Two years ago when I made the decision to go to this insitution, it was not for me, it was for the relationship. When I was debating whether or not to join the Marines, I barely even considered it because of the views of my partner. But now, I decided against the Peace Corps option with out any input of anyone else.
I wouldn't be able to be independent with out the support of so many individuals around me. That seems like an oxymoron but trust me, it's not possible to be independent with out people around you.
What's the best thing College has given me? Support wins by a large landslide.
And I decided to change my major on an epiphany-like-rush, but something that being a Women's Studies major taught me early on is that in order to receive change in society you must support all others around you. Then as you are supporting others, they support you and change is quicker and a more positive thing.
I definitely would recommend people to be as involved in college as you can, and speaking from experience, this is not hard to do.
Of course, it means many late nights and less time for studying but overall it is a great feeling when you finish a semester with a high GPA and many fond memories.
But that is not why I am blogging today.
I went through high school with a small amount of friends that I spoke to between and in classes, but after school was out, we rarely hung out. I was not given the social support I needed from my friendships and I turned to a romantic relationship I said. This relationship was unstable and unhealthy as I turned to this individual for all my support.
Please note that this is not a post designed to hurt the individual I dated for almost three years of my life though it may come off so. This is a post to reflect what *I* have learned from it. I burdened this individual emotionally and I have come to accept that I maybe placed too much responsiblity of my happiness in his hands for an average human being to deal with.
I have spent almost two years reflecting and growing over the subject of my romantic life. Joining these student organizations has helped me in so many ways, but one of the most, it has given me support beyond belief.
I am now able to recognize the signs of an unhealthy behavior and stop it before it becomes too harmful for myself. Although I have been single for the majority of these last two years, I have been more happier than I was in a relationship. I have had healthy relationships since then and although most of them ended, I did not feel like I needed another one to survive.
I depended on my ex to survive emotionally. This individual broke up with me for a short time in February of my senior year and I felt completely alone. More than alone. I thought this was a sign of true love, but now I realize it was a sign of dependency.
I recognize this dependency in other woman around me. We are social beings and we need social support. A romantic relationship is one way of getting that support. Notice I said one way.
When I started college, I wanted to have friends to hang out with. And I wanted to include my significant other on this journey. I realized quickly that this wasn't going to happen. I remember realizing this and instead of feeling devastated as I was at the last break up, I was relieved.
Even though my friendships were still developing at this point, I knew I had the support I needed to end the relationship. So I did.
I have never regretted this decision.
Some of those friendships I turned to for support at this time have ended. This is sad. I do not think I have thanked them for being there when I needed them. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For the ones that were there and continue to be there for me, thank you as well. These people mean so much to me, even though some of us are no longer friends.
But the biggest support I received was from the organizations I was involved with the past few years. Of course, this is where I maintained and formed many friendships, both temporary and longer lasting. And this is why I encourage all the students I come across to be as involved as you want to be.
As I approach my last year in my undergraduate education, I am realizing for the first time in my life I am making decisions for myself.
Two years ago when I made the decision to go to this insitution, it was not for me, it was for the relationship. When I was debating whether or not to join the Marines, I barely even considered it because of the views of my partner. But now, I decided against the Peace Corps option with out any input of anyone else.
I wouldn't be able to be independent with out the support of so many individuals around me. That seems like an oxymoron but trust me, it's not possible to be independent with out people around you.
What's the best thing College has given me? Support wins by a large landslide.
And I decided to change my major on an epiphany-like-rush, but something that being a Women's Studies major taught me early on is that in order to receive change in society you must support all others around you. Then as you are supporting others, they support you and change is quicker and a more positive thing.
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