Fighting for Red WITH Black, Yellow, White.

I can not describe how angry some pictures made me the other day.

I live in a place that is very close to the University of N**** D*****. In fact, I have a few friends that attend that institution.

I have a problem with their mascot. As you know, it is a 'Fighting Sioux'. Now what is a Sioux, that is a name that white settlers gave to the indigenous tribes that lived around that area when America's colonization was happening.

This mascot is at least doubly offensive to me. First of all, the Sioux is not what those tribes choose to call themselves, they are the Lakota or Dakota people. Second of all, Sioux is a french word derived from a word that translates to enemy.

oh wait, it is more than doubly offensive because the title of the mascot also includes the adverb: FIGHTING.

Now if it was just the Sioux, I think I would be less angry about this. If this was halfway across the world, I probably wouldn't lift a finger to type.

But the Lakota and Dakota people are still around, even in that area, there are some. I consider myself European American, and there is no way that I would think it was funny if someone paraded my ethnicity around in a negative 'fighting' way. Even if it was just for fun, it gives some people the wrong impression of where I could have come from and I want people to judge me for how I act or what I do, not the ethnicity I identifies with in past, present or future. Definitely not because some mascot represented it in a sports game.

Now, a few years ago, it went through the process of getting rid of the name and calling them something unoffensive like the rabbits or you know, concrete rocks. (Man can you imagine playing a team called the concrete rocks---now that's intimidating!)

But so far,it hasn't happened. Some say it is because of the arena that they built for millions of dollars and how it had 'fighting Sioux' all over it. It is also controversial because an Indian tribe approved the name.

Now, just because a tribe approved it, doesn't mean they agree with the terminology, maybe they are hoping for publicity time or education of the students about these issues. Maybe they do not want any negative publicity when they do not approve it. because trust me, I can see some angry college kids doing some damage because of that.

It's still not right to me. Every time I see 'fighting Sioux', I think of the devastation that goes in to the Sioux communities and the negative stereotypes that will affect these communities.

And a lot of people ask me why I care--a white American. And it is an easy answer for me.

Because if it weren't because of the Dakota and the Lakota sacrifices to their culture, population and land, as well as every other tribe in the Americas, I would not be here today. And today, I will stand for them for they are part of me, and I am part of them. Tomorrow I hope my children and grandchildren will continue to fight for tribal recognition and individual rights.

Acceptance & Apology Affirmation

Yesterday, I reached a point of maturation that I have never realized before:

I'm tired of hating all that have done wrong to me in the past. I certainly do not need an apology from a person to get over x, y and z or at least move on or be okay with what happened. I do not need this big stand on head circus and a jet writing my name on the sky to be okay.

Of course, that's all welcomed. And if you think you owe me an apology, I am not saying do not apologize. But let's look at what I just said "if you think you owe me an apology". That apology seems to be your issue, not mine. There is one more you than me in that fragment.

Part of the apology is for the victim, but part of the apology is for the person making it. The victim was wronged, yes. But no 'I'm sorry' is going to take away the pain that person felt and might continue to feel. It's possible that the victim will be relieved that they heard it. The victim will feel better knowing that the 'offender' knows what s/he did hurt them and that is a great feeling to have.

But an apology will not take back what happened.

Things happen, the world changes and people change with it.

I know that a lot of the world is looking for an apology from some person or another. And I know that a lot of people just won't get it. What will change if a person that hurts you says 'I'm sorry'?

I know that I will greet all my offenders, whether they apologized or understood how much pain they caused me in a decent, somewhat friendly matter. I have said what I have needed to say to them, I have tried to make them understand my pain and I hope that they do not return to the same behaviors with other people.

My offenders will no longer hurt me. But those memories will. An apology will not take away the pain. And hating them will consume you.

So as I was sliding across the concrete yesterday on my rollerblades and 'biffed it' going down a hill. I remembered one thing, that I was finally okay with what my past gave me to work with. Because those experiences made me the person I am today: an honest, blunt, blooming feminist with a lot of passion to give to others. I do not need an apology from anyone to live my life the way I want to.

The Feminist Romance Equation

Why is it that women seem to end their social life as soon as they get a significant other? It's like the only thing that exists to them is their love for their boyfriends.

Women do not do this on purpose. We are programmed to give a man whatever he pleases, as long as he doesn't leave. We are fearful that if we do anything wrong, he may leave us. And you may not admit it or realize this until it is too late.

Men? Can I let you in on a little secret? Just threaten to leave her. Just once. And see what happens. I'm guessing 75% of the women you date, will beg you to not leave.

Ladies? Do the same thing. Watch the difference of reactions. My guess is that he will be extremely heartbroken, but let you go.

I'm certainly not condoning the women who do this. Like I said, it is in our programming, reinforced with romance novels, romantic comdies, and advertisments. It's not our fault. Even I, Miss Blooming Feminist who never makes mistakes (HA), have caught myself in relationships where the only social life I had was making sure that he would not leave me and doing anything to prevent it.

Then women get in relationships because all their friends are in relationships and ignoring them. I'm serious. I'm sure you know women that are like "I WANT A RELATIONSHIP" and whine and cry because they hate being single. And when you ask them why, they say "I need someone to talk to/etc." They list reasons and qualities that you can get from a friendship. And why don't they get this from their friends? Because their girl friends are 'in a relationship' and ignoring them for their man!

And yes, as I was sitting in my room last night disastified with my life and wanting to do something different. I thought for the smallest millisecond that my momentary unhappiness would be solved by getting a significant other. Then I slapped myself out of it. I don't need a relationship to be happy, I just need a friend. My 'social needs' can be met by having a good friend. Or a few good friends.

If I were to get in to a relationship in the future, it would be because:

1. I really like the person


2. We get along


3. We have hot hot hot amazing sex(nothing less)


4. We have similar goals for the future, aka that you want to be long term


5. That person treats me right and respects that I will have another social life with friends and a career and may be in and out of college forever and that I want me time at the gym..


6. All of the above must be met in order for me to consider being romantic
   

So for the people that still don't understand what should be a romantic relationship, here is a visual equation I'm always amazed at the number of women I hear when I suggest they should dump their boyfriends because of a very good reasonable argument and their reactions are almost always the same. "I can't dump him! What if he is the one!?!?" Honey, if you got one, you can get another.

This. Is. Serious.

While blogging on my tumblr (which I have recently deleted), I saw a picture making a joke about suicide.

I was aghast with fear that someone would joke about something that serious. The caption was "everyone has bad days."

Yes, but when you kill yourself it's something deeper than a bad day.

Recently, I have been correcting people when they say: "I want to die" or "My life is horrible, I should just die." This is not the language we need to use to describe our feelings. I will admit, I have caught myself saying this. But I've always tried to say: "I didn't mean to say it like that. My problem is not that serious. Please forgive me for being dramatic."

You do not understand the feeling of being suicidal by just having a bad day, or things not going your way. Suicide is caused by having a disease. This disease takes over your life and sometimes ends it.

Depression is something that everyone deals with from time to time. Major depressive disorder is a severe paralyzing disease, and in some cases fatal. It's good to note that not all who are affected by this disease is suicidal.

By throwing around jokes about suicide and trying to get sympathy from people by saying 'you want to die' in the least serious way, you are taking the attention away from individuals who may be suffering from this condition. And if they were going to try and get help, you just minimized their feelings in to a joke.

Sometimes it's a phase and individuals are able to get over it and move on with their lives. Sometimes it is a lifetime thing and these individuals, no matter how much help they get and how hard they try, they can't get over these feelings.

It's important to be aware. Suicide is not a joke and I will never laugh at it. But I will no longer tolerate the easy-goingness about the topic any longer.

Silence

[Trigger warning]

Words are powerful. But why doesn't any one ever use them?

When people die, we are not afraid to cry. We are not afraid to tell people how angry or upset we are. Some people grieve loudly, full of words and words and words.

When people are violent, we scream. We yell at the highest volume we can reach. We are not afraid of what people may think.

When people receive a diagnosis of cancer, we share our fear. We talk about the 'what if's' or the prognosis. We are not afraid.

When people are harassed or attacked sexually, we shut up. Suddenly, it's like the world is quiet. Victims are told to deal privately, to not bring it up. To not report it because the attacker is going 'though issues.' Isn't the victim going though issues? I mean, the person was attacked, harassed, wronged in more ways than you can imagine. Sometimes they change, so drastically, that everyone around them avoids them. "She's different," they say "weird."

Unless you go through an assault or an experience, you never know how scary it is to say something. And you never know how painful it is not to say anything.

You can't describe the pain you go through everyday. You lose the trust in people, in humanity. You stop believing you are real. You change so that it will never happen to you again. Sometimes, you isolate yourself, refuse to move, to socialize. Maybe you turn to harmful substances, cutting, suicide. Maybe you forget how it is to own your sexual experiences. Maybe you never even had the chance to own them in the first place.

Your closest confidants look at you differently. They treat you like a fragile glass slipper. You want to tell them to stop, to just forget that it ever happened. You want to be normal. You try so hard. You have dreams at night where you are. Where it never happened. But that's the closest you can ever get to being normal.

Sleepless nights, where the dream doesn't come, brings bags of circles under your eyes. You wonder if those nights would go away if you just told someone. You fear that you may lose the only thing that keeps alive, those dreams that keep you normal.

I encourage the survivors I meet to report it, to talk about it, and I don't even follow my own advice. I provide survivors the support I never received in hopes that they can be strong enough to face the fears of talking. I push survivors through recovery treatments, to counseling. I assume every woman I meet has had an sexual experience that was not wanted. I hate that I never tell these women that I've been though it. That it happened to me.

But I stay silent.

(Submitted by a friend)