Shoes

One of my greatest faults in my personality is that I am constantly placing myself in other people's shoes.

A fault? How is that a fault?

I know, most of you think that being compassionate to others is a good trait. That trying to understand other people's lifestyles is a good trait.

And usually it would be that.

I empathize with the good guy. I empathize with the bad guy. This makes me conflicted IN EVERY ARGUMENT.

It gets rather annoying. I blame my parents. My father is conservative, my mother a liberal. Do not ask me how it worked. But it has. And they raised me. I don't vote for either party.

I vote though because I like my rights. A hundred years ago, I wouldn't be able to vote. So I am voting now.

Waste of a vote when I vote independent? It probably is. But I disagree with the two party system. I think we need different eyes. Eventually people are going to see that and vote independent with me. Maybe they will vote for me. Who knows?

There is no black and white to any issue. Any one who tells you differently has not looked close enough.

Hear me out: there is no right or wrong. I doubt there ever was.

I can see that. Forgive me for not choosing sides.

Can I be a Feminist?

I hear so many feminists telling other feminists that they can not be a feminist for xyz reasons.

This is not going to help us receive equality. We need to stick together. Even if you disagree with some of their lifestyle choices, personality, whatever.

Anti-feminists are counting on us to screw up and divide our input.

If you meet someone who is trying to help the equality movement, but is a pro-life supporter...It's hard to turn away, it's hard not to point out that you think they are being a hypocrite.

I emphasize choice.

I want to be able to give women the choice to vote, or not. I want to give women the choice to have children, or not. To have the choice to get an education, or not. To be straight, or not.

I want to give everyone this choice, man or woman, black, white, asian, native american, latina/o, even ability.

You can call yourself a feminist if you believe you are one. You will be welcomed by me, as long as you are not trying to stop other individuals of receiving the rights you have as well.

So you meet a pro-life feminist. It seems like an oxymoron, you hear nails on a chalkboard in the background, it hurts so much to not say anything.

Ask them in a polite way why they are pro-life; respect their answer. Ask them to respect your own opinion as well.

And move on, to fight for the rights all born individuals.

The Best Thing College Has Given To Me

Wow. I seem to be in a blogging mood lately.

I definitely would recommend people to be as involved in college as you can, and speaking from experience, this is not hard to do.

Of course, it means many late nights and less time for studying but overall it is a great feeling when you finish a semester with a high GPA and many fond memories.

But that is not why I am blogging today.

I went through high school with a small amount of friends that I spoke to between and in classes, but after school was out, we rarely hung out. I was not given the social support I needed from my friendships and I turned to a romantic relationship I said. This relationship was unstable and unhealthy as I turned to this individual for all my support.

Please note that this is not a post designed to hurt the individual I dated for almost three years of my life though it may come off so. This is a post to reflect what *I* have learned from it. I burdened this individual emotionally and I have come to accept that I maybe placed too much responsiblity of my happiness in his hands for an average human being to deal with.

I have spent almost two years reflecting and growing over the subject of my romantic life. Joining these student organizations has helped me in so many ways, but one of the most, it has given me support beyond belief.

I am now able to recognize the signs of an unhealthy behavior and stop it before it becomes too harmful for myself. Although I have been single for the majority of these last two years, I have been more happier than I was in a relationship. I have had healthy relationships since then and although most of them ended, I did not feel like I needed another one to survive.

I depended on my ex to survive emotionally. This individual broke up with me for a short time in February of my senior year and I felt completely alone. More than alone. I thought this was a sign of true love, but now I realize it was a sign of dependency.

I recognize this dependency in other woman around me. We are social beings and we need social support. A romantic relationship is one way of getting that support. Notice I said one way.

When I started college, I wanted to have friends to hang out with. And I wanted to include my significant other on this journey. I realized quickly that this wasn't going to happen. I remember realizing this and instead of feeling devastated as I was at the last break up, I was relieved.

Even though my friendships were still developing at this point, I knew I had the support I needed to end the relationship. So I did.

I have never regretted this decision.

Some of those friendships I turned to for support at this time have ended. This is sad. I do not think I have thanked them for being there when I needed them. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For the ones that were there and continue to be there for me, thank you as well. These people mean so much to me, even though some of us are no longer friends.

But the biggest support I received was from the organizations I was involved with the past few years. Of course, this is where I maintained and formed many friendships, both temporary and longer lasting. And this is why I encourage all the students I come across to be as involved as you want to be.

As I approach my last year in my undergraduate education, I am realizing for the first time in my life I am making decisions for myself.

Two years ago when I made the decision to go to this insitution, it was not for me, it was for the relationship. When I was debating whether or not to join the Marines, I barely even considered it because of the views of my partner. But now, I decided against the Peace Corps option with out any input of anyone else.

I wouldn't be able to be independent with out the support of so many individuals around me. That seems like an oxymoron but trust me, it's not possible to be independent with out people around you.

What's the best thing College has given me? Support wins by a large landslide.

And I decided to change my major on an epiphany-like-rush, but something that being a Women's Studies major taught me early on is that in order to receive change in society you must support all others around you. Then as you are supporting others, they support you and change is quicker and a more positive thing.

Uh Oh.

I posted a comment on a pro-life movement video on youtube months ago and this is the reply I got (months ago):

Truth is that there are no unwanted pregnacies or babies if people are responsible with sex. You may think me prude or unrealistic to support the idea of waiting until you find the person you want to spend your life with but let me ask you this...

Who do you want to be or be with? Someone who respects a woman enough to wait for sex or someone who uses a woman for sex and leaves her with a pregnancy that neither wants?

My Response:

Let's just say you use birth control everyday correctly. That's responsible right? I would describe that as responsible. But birth control fails, condoms break. You know, life happens. And just because one thing goes wrong, doesn't mean you should not have a choice to walk away from a pregnancy.

I don't think this girl is a prude. Not at all. Stand next to your beliefs, proudly, woman! But that is your choice to wait for 'the one'. It's not everyone's.

I want to be with someone who respects me. But there is something wrong with the logic here:

• One, you are assuming all people who get married are angels. Some aren't. It's sad. But divorce happens for a reason. Just because you are married to someone doesn't mean that individual is going to respect you. (Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston...I don't think they respected each other after awhile?!? Do you? What about O.J. Simpson, he was married and didn't respect his wife?)
• Two, not all men walk away. Yes, single non-married men have an easier chance to walk away from a pregnancy. It doesn't mean they do. (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren't married, and he hasn't walked away.)

I believe in healthy sex. I believe this can happen in any type of relationship. Friends with benefits, marriage, relationships, partnerships, whatever you want to be labelled as. It can happen. A person can respect you and not be married to you. A person can respect you and not spend forever with you.

I don't know. Maybe it is too late for me. Maybe I am forever doomed in to an afterlife with a firey pit of lava. I'll accept it. I've sinned. I've taken the Lords name in vain. And worst of all, I've judged people.

I've learned from my mistakes. And I move on. I don't believe my lifestyle is for everyone. I don't believe that I should force my viewpoint on other people. Everything should be your choice to make. What food you choose to eat, what clothing you choose to wear, what God(s) you believe in, if you believe in a god, whether or not you have sex with out marriage. I can't tell you that's right. I can't tell you that's wrong. Do what you believe is right, and stand up for it when challenged. Don't do what you believe is wrong. It's simple.

The last thing I want to do is get in the way of someone's happiness. Personal choices are that. Personal. I'll leave it to you to decide.

A Sad Life...A better future

Lately, people have been talking a lot about someone's death.

They have been having conversations everywhere. It makes me frustrated.

I'll admit, I'm not politically aware of this issue. I do not know one thing about the conflicts in the middle east, I do not know all the issues that surround why the U.S. entered.

I feel sad that I do not know a lot about politics especially about a war we are currently in.

What is even more sad is that I already thought this man was dead. Yup, I'll admit it. I am more concentrated on the injustices in my own world to check to see if evil man is dead.

I do not believe in predetermination. I do not believe this evil man would have been evil if he would have grown up in a loving, caring environment. I'm not taking a side of nature versus nurture. I'm just saying that he could of turned out to be a different person if he was given guidance. There is not a predetermined future for you, with help, we can reach our goals and we can become well-rounded human beings.

So why am I frustrated? Because we are celebrating a man's death when we could be putting our effort in to stopping this from happening again. Babies are not born evil, children are not evil, even preteens and teenagers can change those evil ways to become well-rounded adults. (Fun fact: I probably was considered the teenage devil. I'm sorry Mom and Dad. )

How to create an non-evil person:

Step 1: Have a wanted child! Make sure that this infant is going to be raised in a loving home that is going to provide at least food, a roof and positive child care!

Step 2: Support your state-funded public schools. These are our children, let's give teachers a livable salary so they can give our children a quality education.
Step 2b: Quality education means admitting our past so that we, and our descendants, are prepared to not repeat it. (I want to write a herstory textbook including a few important events that I didn't learn until college.)

Step 3: Support the child. Did you know Hitler wanted to be a painter? I always wonder what would have happened if someone paid attention to his artwork...just think about it. I don't mean support the child financially. If you think he is a bad artist, be nice about it. Explain it. Give him another outlet to be creative, show the other options that he can be successful at that does not involve killing mass groups of people.

So three steps, I do not think that was too hard...

Let's change the world and stop these people from becoming evil!!!!

April: Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Thought I would take some time reflecting on one of my favorite months. As most of you may know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. (SAAM)

My organization, Students For Sexual Consent, planned a whole month filled with events for SAAM.

It started with a 'Survivor Panel'. This is where survivors of sexual as

sault talk about their experiences. They are strong women and I can not even imagine the courage it takes for them to do this.

The 'Survivor Panel' was well attended. Another event we put on was our annual Clothesline Project. This is a National project done through out communities and campuses in the whole country. Survivors of sexual assault make T-shirts as a healing process and each April we display them in a public place to represent the prevalence of sexual assault. I think a lot of people are amazed just how often sexual assault occurs. To find more information, check out the national network website.

Here are some photographs from our project:

The last event that I participated in was 'Denim Day.' I picked up the story off the Denim Day in LA website.

An 18-year old girl is picked up by her married 45-year old driving instructor for her very first lesson. He takes her to an isolated road, pulls her out of the car, wrestles her out of one leg of her jeans and forcefully rapes her. Threatened with death if she tells anyone, he makes her drive the car home. Later that night she tells her parents, and they help and support her to press charges. The perpetrator gets arrested and is prosecuted. He is convicted of rape and sentenced to jail.

He appeals the sentence. The case makes it’s all the way to the Italian Supreme Court. Within a matter of days the case against the driving instructor is overturned, dismissed, and the perpetrator released. In a statement by the Chief Judge, he argued, “because the victim wore very, very tight jeans, she had to help him remove them, and by removing the jeans it was no longer rape but consensual sex.”

Enraged by the verdict, within a matter of hours the women in the Italian Parliament launched into immediate action and protested by wearing jeans to work. This call to action motivated and emboldened the California Senate and Assembly to do the same, which in turn spread to Patricia Giggans, Executive Director of Peace Over Violence, and Denim Day in LA was born. The first Denim Day in LA was in April 1999, and has continued every year since.

Here are pictures of our Denim Day which was held this past Wednesday:

Overall, it was a great month and I really think this helped people see that this is an issue to pay attention to. Awareness is only the first step to stopping the problem.

Silence

[Trigger warning]

Words are powerful. But why doesn't any one ever use them?

When people die, we are not afraid to cry. We are not afraid to tell people how angry or upset we are. Some people grieve loudly, full of words and words and words.

When people are violent, we scream. We yell at the highest volume we can reach. We are not afraid of what people may think.

When people receive a diagnosis of cancer, we share our fear. We talk about the 'what if's' or the prognosis. We are not afraid.

When people are harassed or attacked sexually, we shut up. Suddenly, it's like the world is quiet. Victims are told to deal privately, to not bring it up. To not report it because the attacker is going 'though issues.' Isn't the victim going though issues? I mean, the person was attacked, harassed, wronged in more ways than you can imagine. Sometimes they change, so drastically, that everyone around them avoids them. "She's different," they say "weird."

Unless you go through an assault or an experience, you never know how scary it is to say something. And you never know how painful it is not to say anything.

You can't describe the pain you go through everyday. You lose the trust in people, in humanity. You stop believing you are real. You change so that it will never happen to you again. Sometimes, you isolate yourself, refuse to move, to socialize. Maybe you turn to harmful substances, cutting, suicide. Maybe you forget how it is to own your sexual experiences. Maybe you never even had the chance to own them in the first place.

Your closest confidants look at you differently. They treat you like a fragile glass slipper. You want to tell them to stop, to just forget that it ever happened. You want to be normal. You try so hard. You have dreams at night where you are. Where it never happened. But that's the closest you can ever get to being normal.

Sleepless nights, where the dream doesn't come, brings bags of circles under your eyes. You wonder if those nights would go away if you just told someone. You fear that you may lose the only thing that keeps alive, those dreams that keep you normal.

I encourage the survivors I meet to report it, to talk about it, and I don't even follow my own advice. I provide survivors the support I never received in hopes that they can be strong enough to face the fears of talking. I push survivors through recovery treatments, to counseling. I assume every woman I meet has had an sexual experience that was not wanted. I hate that I never tell these women that I've been though it. That it happened to me.

But I stay silent.

(Submitted by a friend)

WS 445 Final Project

I had the chance to do a great project for my women's studies class called 'Women and Computers.'

Part one was about visual aids and activism. Click on the link to check out my prezi. I published the videos in my blog before, here and here. I found that there was no research to see how much just how visual aids effect activist causes, but I did a good job trying to see what the effect would be.

Part two was about visuals about -isms. I wanted to see what google images turned up for the words I choose. Were they accurate representations? Sometimes. But sometimes it wasn't. Check it out. I was orginally inspired to do this part of the presentation, by "What does feminism look like?"

Happy Exploring.

Saving the world is a full-time job

As I was running today, I was hit with this total sense of frustration. I feel like I am not doing enough to 'save the world.' Courtney Martin spoke to my campus a few weeks ago and said to count your failures as blessings. I definitely have tried. It's just so hard.

But I agree with her, failures are something. They may not be what you want. You can't always get what you want. Fact of life. And I'd rather fail then do nothing. Doing nothing is, well, nothing.

Back to the frustration, I do not know what triggered this sense of anger but I really wanted to just, ugh, I do not know. CHANGE SOMETHING. And I realized that most of the time instead of changing behaviors, I am enabling them.

Let's face it, people are not going to stop rape jokes when you ask them, too. Even if you are a survivor of sexual assault and you tell them that it triggers memories. Not all people are going to see the sticky floor or glass ceiling that minorities go through in education, in the job market, in their careers---even if you point the facts out every time they call a minority lazy or stupid. People will constantly make fat jokes, they will constantly make sexist jokes, racist jokes, classist jokes, hetereosexist/homophobic jokes---even if you tell them you do not appreciate it.

And I sit there in my classrooms, in my organizations, in my work, at family functions and I wonder, is it worth it to point out that it makes you uncomfortable? that it makes you sick to be around them? Most of the time I say: NO, because it won't change their opinion.

The thing is: I don't care if you think it is funny. I don't care if you don't mean it. It's wrong. It's disrespectful. It's so many things in one statement and action. If you say it, you support it.

But if you don't say something, do you support it? Some people say silence is worse then doing the crime.

About two weeks ago, I was waiting outside for a taxi at a hotel and there was a family walking inside. It was about 11 o'clock at night. The dad was not in a good mood that night. He had taken his oldest son (maybe not his son, but either way) away from the 'mom' figure and was screaming at him. I tried not to listen, but it was not positive. I heard threats to this young man's life, I heard insults. It was verbal abuse. No doubt about it. But I just stood there with my date and my sorority sisters pretending it wasn't happening.

I wanted to say something so badly. I couldn't believe I didn't. It makes me so angry about all the injustices I should have done something about. I constantly say "it's not my business" or "it doesn't affect me", and then I don't do anything about it. But when does it affect me? When I am finally a victim? I don't want to be a victim of something that someone could have stopped! Why am I letting others be the victim for me?

Tired of being a bystander and no longer willing to let the little things slide, I'm turning over a new leaf. The thing is, what leaf should I flip over first?

Activism: What to Do

I am actually not pro-life. But there activism techniques are going to get them what they want: an end to abortion. They realized that our youth is crucial for change and this is really important for a cause.

So what should pro-choice people to to keep the choice in the women's hands? Help the youth step up and help the cause.

On another note, I am so excited to see Courtney Martin talk about activism on Tuesday!!

Planned Parenthood: Support oppresses Trans, Ignores Male Benefits, & Promotes Gender Stereotypes!

This video is pretty amusing and it makes a point. That's my first admittance.

There is a few things I find that this video ignores and actually does not help the cause.

Point #1: We are ignoring two groups that CAN use Planned Parenthood and may or may not have Vaginas.

First of all, not all women have vaginas. Hello, transexuals/transgenders? Anyone? In fact, many trans are turned away from sexual health care because of who they are. Not because they aren't sick, but because who they identify as doesn't match their 'goodies.'

Second of all, men can use planned parenthood too. STD testing and sexual health, etc. And they should use Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood may seem like they are focusing on women's issues, but they will not turn down a man that needs important health services.

I feel like this video makes a really good point. But I also feel like they are supporting the fact that Planned Parenthood is only for Cis, straight females. And it is not, just for them.

Planned Parenthood is an amazing, amazing, amazing creation. If this is how you show support, go for it. But is all support good support? Or by ignoring two (or more? Let's not forget they ignored L and G groups.) groups of people that can use this clinic, are we hindering the movement? We are oppressing one group and ignoring the fact that another can use this services.

But this video also tells women that they should be able to control their sexual life.This is a very good thing! Be proud of your sexuality and sleep with who you want to! At first, I was like "Heck yeah you go girls!! You choose with who you sleep with and you dump those bigots!"

Women have power in their sexuality and I think that if you need to use it for survival, you should use it. That means, that sometimes, women do not have the choice of who they sleep with. Women having the choice of who they choose to sleep with is a very privileged and somewhat Western ideology. With men having most of the political say in most countries and most of those men being straight, will women control these men by holding off sex?

Point #2: Which brings me to the next point of why I find this video harmful, it promotes gender roles and stereotypes. They are saying that all men think with their 'goodies' and women have the power to control that thinking. If the only control I have in a relationship is sexual-based, I don't think I would consider that a healthy or safe relationship. How far does sexual control go? And if men really think with their 'goodies' then what stops them from going out and buying sex from a exploited women? (Which makes the whole logic of the stereotype, men only think with their 'goodies', out the windows and not valid.)

I don't know, if this video is going to help Planned Parenthood or not. I do not know if it is even going to help "straight cis-females" and that is what the video says Planned Parenthood helps in the first place. We are conforming women to their sexuality and forgetting the fact that women have other things to offer. (Like intelligence, talent, BRAINS?!?!?)

If you support the mission of Planned Parenthood, which is to educate young adults on their sexual safety. Please sign this petition now. Remember, Planned Parenthood is not all about abortion, it is not all about women and it is not all about sexual health.

(Update: Hey, look! It's all 'white; woman in the video too! I mean, there is a woman of Asian descent and perhaps another woman of different ethnic group, but they are both very light in color...)