In Hopes that someone that needs this will read this

For one of my jobs at my university, I am planning with the Pride Community an "It Gets Better" video for our school. I am uberly excited for this experience as I know it will be a great one and get many people involved. But I also have a personal experience with this kind of tragedy.

This tragedy is one that affect GLBT youth at a much larger rate. It is suicide. Dan Savage created the "It Gets Better" project after a series of suicides of GLBT youth that thought after the harassment they received in schools that they did not have a life worth living.

Depression is something you do not understand until you have it. Until you go through it on a deep level. It's something you can not smile through. It is something that plagues you, haunts you on a daily, hourly, minutely basis. It's something I have struggled with ever since I can remember.

I never knew I would be this successful in college. I always thought I would have to become someone else. Someone popular or pretty or better. Someone with better self-esteem or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or someone that has lettered in every single thing they have tried (Which coincidentally is everything. You know the person I am talking about, every school has one of those people. ) I thought I had to become someone else in order to be happy.

I was harassed for my sexuality when I was younger. And it is something I tear up to this day about. It is something that I will never get over. And it is something I wish someone had stopped earlier. I wish the teacher that witnessed it, everyday, would have said something. I wish that more of my classmates asked me if I was okay with them calling me a "bra stuffing lesbian". More often, I wish that adults didn't tell me "they are just teasing you because they are jealous."

No, they weren't teasing me because they were jealous. They were teasing me, because they saw someone who was alone. Who was vulnerable. My personality, my looks, my breast size had nothing to do with why they teased me. They teased me because they thought it was fun and it was easy. Yes, there is probably more to why they teased me. But they chose to tease me because I was vulnerable, alone and no one stood up for me, including myself.

I don't ever remember asking them to stop. I don't ever remember myself telling the teacher to ask them to stop. This is something that I need to stress to the people who are feeling harassed, teased, bullied whatever. It is a horrible experience to go through. But you need to stand up to these people and tell them to stop. You need to be a self-advocate. Your best advocate is YOU. (side note: This shouldn't be so, others should stand up for you too. But people won't, they are scared, find courage and stand up for yourself. And others will stand behind you. I promise.)

My life didn't start getting better, once I got a boyfriend. It didn't start getting better once I lettered in everything I did. It didn't get better once I got friends. It didn't get better when I lost weight, when I got the job I wanted...It got better when I started taking care of myself and respecting myself enough for others to respect me.

It is gonna get better. A whole hell of a lot better. But be yourself and do what you want to do, and if that doesn't make you happy, do something else that does. This is your life. And it is not gonna get any better until you are happy with yourself, not your surroundings.

So please, figure out what makes you happy and try not to care what other people around you thinks or says. Because the only persons opinion that really matters is yours. Your opinion of yourself matters, and if you respect yourself and love yourself, the people around you that you want to hang out with will see that and respect you too.

It's not easy. It is going to be very hard. I'm not saying that you're not gonna struggle for a few weeks, months, or years. But don't worry, it's worth it.

A Sad Life...A better future

Lately, people have been talking a lot about someone's death.

They have been having conversations everywhere. It makes me frustrated.

I'll admit, I'm not politically aware of this issue. I do not know one thing about the conflicts in the middle east, I do not know all the issues that surround why the U.S. entered.

I feel sad that I do not know a lot about politics especially about a war we are currently in.

What is even more sad is that I already thought this man was dead. Yup, I'll admit it. I am more concentrated on the injustices in my own world to check to see if evil man is dead.

I do not believe in predetermination. I do not believe this evil man would have been evil if he would have grown up in a loving, caring environment. I'm not taking a side of nature versus nurture. I'm just saying that he could of turned out to be a different person if he was given guidance. There is not a predetermined future for you, with help, we can reach our goals and we can become well-rounded human beings.

So why am I frustrated? Because we are celebrating a man's death when we could be putting our effort in to stopping this from happening again. Babies are not born evil, children are not evil, even preteens and teenagers can change those evil ways to become well-rounded adults. (Fun fact: I probably was considered the teenage devil. I'm sorry Mom and Dad. )

How to create an non-evil person:

Step 1: Have a wanted child! Make sure that this infant is going to be raised in a loving home that is going to provide at least food, a roof and positive child care!

Step 2: Support your state-funded public schools. These are our children, let's give teachers a livable salary so they can give our children a quality education.
Step 2b: Quality education means admitting our past so that we, and our descendants, are prepared to not repeat it. (I want to write a herstory textbook including a few important events that I didn't learn until college.)

Step 3: Support the child. Did you know Hitler wanted to be a painter? I always wonder what would have happened if someone paid attention to his artwork...just think about it. I don't mean support the child financially. If you think he is a bad artist, be nice about it. Explain it. Give him another outlet to be creative, show the other options that he can be successful at that does not involve killing mass groups of people.

So three steps, I do not think that was too hard...

Let's change the world and stop these people from becoming evil!!!!