In Hopes that someone that needs this will read this

For one of my jobs at my university, I am planning with the Pride Community an "It Gets Better" video for our school. I am uberly excited for this experience as I know it will be a great one and get many people involved. But I also have a personal experience with this kind of tragedy.

This tragedy is one that affect GLBT youth at a much larger rate. It is suicide. Dan Savage created the "It Gets Better" project after a series of suicides of GLBT youth that thought after the harassment they received in schools that they did not have a life worth living.

Depression is something you do not understand until you have it. Until you go through it on a deep level. It's something you can not smile through. It is something that plagues you, haunts you on a daily, hourly, minutely basis. It's something I have struggled with ever since I can remember.

I never knew I would be this successful in college. I always thought I would have to become someone else. Someone popular or pretty or better. Someone with better self-esteem or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or someone that has lettered in every single thing they have tried (Which coincidentally is everything. You know the person I am talking about, every school has one of those people. ) I thought I had to become someone else in order to be happy.

I was harassed for my sexuality when I was younger. And it is something I tear up to this day about. It is something that I will never get over. And it is something I wish someone had stopped earlier. I wish the teacher that witnessed it, everyday, would have said something. I wish that more of my classmates asked me if I was okay with them calling me a "bra stuffing lesbian". More often, I wish that adults didn't tell me "they are just teasing you because they are jealous."

No, they weren't teasing me because they were jealous. They were teasing me, because they saw someone who was alone. Who was vulnerable. My personality, my looks, my breast size had nothing to do with why they teased me. They teased me because they thought it was fun and it was easy. Yes, there is probably more to why they teased me. But they chose to tease me because I was vulnerable, alone and no one stood up for me, including myself.

I don't ever remember asking them to stop. I don't ever remember myself telling the teacher to ask them to stop. This is something that I need to stress to the people who are feeling harassed, teased, bullied whatever. It is a horrible experience to go through. But you need to stand up to these people and tell them to stop. You need to be a self-advocate. Your best advocate is YOU. (side note: This shouldn't be so, others should stand up for you too. But people won't, they are scared, find courage and stand up for yourself. And others will stand behind you. I promise.)

My life didn't start getting better, once I got a boyfriend. It didn't start getting better once I lettered in everything I did. It didn't get better once I got friends. It didn't get better when I lost weight, when I got the job I wanted...It got better when I started taking care of myself and respecting myself enough for others to respect me.

It is gonna get better. A whole hell of a lot better. But be yourself and do what you want to do, and if that doesn't make you happy, do something else that does. This is your life. And it is not gonna get any better until you are happy with yourself, not your surroundings.

So please, figure out what makes you happy and try not to care what other people around you thinks or says. Because the only persons opinion that really matters is yours. Your opinion of yourself matters, and if you respect yourself and love yourself, the people around you that you want to hang out with will see that and respect you too.

It's not easy. It is going to be very hard. I'm not saying that you're not gonna struggle for a few weeks, months, or years. But don't worry, it's worth it.

Fighting for Red WITH Black, Yellow, White.

I can not describe how angry some pictures made me the other day.

I live in a place that is very close to the University of N**** D*****. In fact, I have a few friends that attend that institution.

I have a problem with their mascot. As you know, it is a 'Fighting Sioux'. Now what is a Sioux, that is a name that white settlers gave to the indigenous tribes that lived around that area when America's colonization was happening.

This mascot is at least doubly offensive to me. First of all, the Sioux is not what those tribes choose to call themselves, they are the Lakota or Dakota people. Second of all, Sioux is a french word derived from a word that translates to enemy.

oh wait, it is more than doubly offensive because the title of the mascot also includes the adverb: FIGHTING.

Now if it was just the Sioux, I think I would be less angry about this. If this was halfway across the world, I probably wouldn't lift a finger to type.

But the Lakota and Dakota people are still around, even in that area, there are some. I consider myself European American, and there is no way that I would think it was funny if someone paraded my ethnicity around in a negative 'fighting' way. Even if it was just for fun, it gives some people the wrong impression of where I could have come from and I want people to judge me for how I act or what I do, not the ethnicity I identifies with in past, present or future. Definitely not because some mascot represented it in a sports game.

Now, a few years ago, it went through the process of getting rid of the name and calling them something unoffensive like the rabbits or you know, concrete rocks. (Man can you imagine playing a team called the concrete rocks---now that's intimidating!)

But so far,it hasn't happened. Some say it is because of the arena that they built for millions of dollars and how it had 'fighting Sioux' all over it. It is also controversial because an Indian tribe approved the name.

Now, just because a tribe approved it, doesn't mean they agree with the terminology, maybe they are hoping for publicity time or education of the students about these issues. Maybe they do not want any negative publicity when they do not approve it. because trust me, I can see some angry college kids doing some damage because of that.

It's still not right to me. Every time I see 'fighting Sioux', I think of the devastation that goes in to the Sioux communities and the negative stereotypes that will affect these communities.

And a lot of people ask me why I care--a white American. And it is an easy answer for me.

Because if it weren't because of the Dakota and the Lakota sacrifices to their culture, population and land, as well as every other tribe in the Americas, I would not be here today. And today, I will stand for them for they are part of me, and I am part of them. Tomorrow I hope my children and grandchildren will continue to fight for tribal recognition and individual rights.

Ashamed of Living in this State

I grew up in the greatest state in the United States.

The greatest state until last night, of course.

We think everything is so black and white, democrat and republican, we ignore that their is a lot of grey areas in every issue.

What am I talking about? If you must ask, you should be reading the newspaper.

I'll tell you anyway. Minnesota (my beloved home state) passed an amendment to make marriage between a man and a woman. I can no longer call this my beloved state because I am ashamed of living here. Of being in a state that encourages such definition.

I'm not gonna pretend to know about what is gonna happen. My friends say I can vote no on it in the elections. I will vote no. I will. I will. I will. I don't know much about politics and I vote independent because I see the grey areas in all issues, not the black and white politics. Some say this is a waste of a vote. But I sleep better at not knowing that I didn't vote for the people who make the hateful laws.

I like all people I meet. Yes, I do. In some ways even the most negative encounter I have experienced has made me a better person and I am grateful for that person for helping me become the best person I can be.

And I love my gays. I love my straights. I love my closeted and uncloseted friends.

Here is my video reaction to the amendment. I thought it was suiting that I would have it on my first youtube video. =]

Even after this horrible amendment was passed to the next stage, I still believe that all people are good. Don't get me wrong.

April: Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Thought I would take some time reflecting on one of my favorite months. As most of you may know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. (SAAM)

My organization, Students For Sexual Consent, planned a whole month filled with events for SAAM.

It started with a 'Survivor Panel'. This is where survivors of sexual as

sault talk about their experiences. They are strong women and I can not even imagine the courage it takes for them to do this.

The 'Survivor Panel' was well attended. Another event we put on was our annual Clothesline Project. This is a National project done through out communities and campuses in the whole country. Survivors of sexual assault make T-shirts as a healing process and each April we display them in a public place to represent the prevalence of sexual assault. I think a lot of people are amazed just how often sexual assault occurs. To find more information, check out the national network website.

Here are some photographs from our project:

The last event that I participated in was 'Denim Day.' I picked up the story off the Denim Day in LA website.

An 18-year old girl is picked up by her married 45-year old driving instructor for her very first lesson. He takes her to an isolated road, pulls her out of the car, wrestles her out of one leg of her jeans and forcefully rapes her. Threatened with death if she tells anyone, he makes her drive the car home. Later that night she tells her parents, and they help and support her to press charges. The perpetrator gets arrested and is prosecuted. He is convicted of rape and sentenced to jail.

He appeals the sentence. The case makes it’s all the way to the Italian Supreme Court. Within a matter of days the case against the driving instructor is overturned, dismissed, and the perpetrator released. In a statement by the Chief Judge, he argued, “because the victim wore very, very tight jeans, she had to help him remove them, and by removing the jeans it was no longer rape but consensual sex.”

Enraged by the verdict, within a matter of hours the women in the Italian Parliament launched into immediate action and protested by wearing jeans to work. This call to action motivated and emboldened the California Senate and Assembly to do the same, which in turn spread to Patricia Giggans, Executive Director of Peace Over Violence, and Denim Day in LA was born. The first Denim Day in LA was in April 1999, and has continued every year since.

Here are pictures of our Denim Day which was held this past Wednesday:

Overall, it was a great month and I really think this helped people see that this is an issue to pay attention to. Awareness is only the first step to stopping the problem.

Planned Parenthood: Support oppresses Trans, Ignores Male Benefits, & Promotes Gender Stereotypes!

This video is pretty amusing and it makes a point. That's my first admittance.

There is a few things I find that this video ignores and actually does not help the cause.

Point #1: We are ignoring two groups that CAN use Planned Parenthood and may or may not have Vaginas.

First of all, not all women have vaginas. Hello, transexuals/transgenders? Anyone? In fact, many trans are turned away from sexual health care because of who they are. Not because they aren't sick, but because who they identify as doesn't match their 'goodies.'

Second of all, men can use planned parenthood too. STD testing and sexual health, etc. And they should use Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood may seem like they are focusing on women's issues, but they will not turn down a man that needs important health services.

I feel like this video makes a really good point. But I also feel like they are supporting the fact that Planned Parenthood is only for Cis, straight females. And it is not, just for them.

Planned Parenthood is an amazing, amazing, amazing creation. If this is how you show support, go for it. But is all support good support? Or by ignoring two (or more? Let's not forget they ignored L and G groups.) groups of people that can use this clinic, are we hindering the movement? We are oppressing one group and ignoring the fact that another can use this services.

But this video also tells women that they should be able to control their sexual life.This is a very good thing! Be proud of your sexuality and sleep with who you want to! At first, I was like "Heck yeah you go girls!! You choose with who you sleep with and you dump those bigots!"

Women have power in their sexuality and I think that if you need to use it for survival, you should use it. That means, that sometimes, women do not have the choice of who they sleep with. Women having the choice of who they choose to sleep with is a very privileged and somewhat Western ideology. With men having most of the political say in most countries and most of those men being straight, will women control these men by holding off sex?

Point #2: Which brings me to the next point of why I find this video harmful, it promotes gender roles and stereotypes. They are saying that all men think with their 'goodies' and women have the power to control that thinking. If the only control I have in a relationship is sexual-based, I don't think I would consider that a healthy or safe relationship. How far does sexual control go? And if men really think with their 'goodies' then what stops them from going out and buying sex from a exploited women? (Which makes the whole logic of the stereotype, men only think with their 'goodies', out the windows and not valid.)

I don't know, if this video is going to help Planned Parenthood or not. I do not know if it is even going to help "straight cis-females" and that is what the video says Planned Parenthood helps in the first place. We are conforming women to their sexuality and forgetting the fact that women have other things to offer. (Like intelligence, talent, BRAINS?!?!?)

If you support the mission of Planned Parenthood, which is to educate young adults on their sexual safety. Please sign this petition now. Remember, Planned Parenthood is not all about abortion, it is not all about women and it is not all about sexual health.

(Update: Hey, look! It's all 'white; woman in the video too! I mean, there is a woman of Asian descent and perhaps another woman of different ethnic group, but they are both very light in color...)