Uh Oh.

I posted a comment on a pro-life movement video on youtube months ago and this is the reply I got (months ago):

Truth is that there are no unwanted pregnacies or babies if people are responsible with sex. You may think me prude or unrealistic to support the idea of waiting until you find the person you want to spend your life with but let me ask you this...

Who do you want to be or be with? Someone who respects a woman enough to wait for sex or someone who uses a woman for sex and leaves her with a pregnancy that neither wants?

My Response:

Let's just say you use birth control everyday correctly. That's responsible right? I would describe that as responsible. But birth control fails, condoms break. You know, life happens. And just because one thing goes wrong, doesn't mean you should not have a choice to walk away from a pregnancy.

I don't think this girl is a prude. Not at all. Stand next to your beliefs, proudly, woman! But that is your choice to wait for 'the one'. It's not everyone's.

I want to be with someone who respects me. But there is something wrong with the logic here:

• One, you are assuming all people who get married are angels. Some aren't. It's sad. But divorce happens for a reason. Just because you are married to someone doesn't mean that individual is going to respect you. (Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston...I don't think they respected each other after awhile?!? Do you? What about O.J. Simpson, he was married and didn't respect his wife?)
• Two, not all men walk away. Yes, single non-married men have an easier chance to walk away from a pregnancy. It doesn't mean they do. (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren't married, and he hasn't walked away.)

I believe in healthy sex. I believe this can happen in any type of relationship. Friends with benefits, marriage, relationships, partnerships, whatever you want to be labelled as. It can happen. A person can respect you and not be married to you. A person can respect you and not spend forever with you.

I don't know. Maybe it is too late for me. Maybe I am forever doomed in to an afterlife with a firey pit of lava. I'll accept it. I've sinned. I've taken the Lords name in vain. And worst of all, I've judged people.

I've learned from my mistakes. And I move on. I don't believe my lifestyle is for everyone. I don't believe that I should force my viewpoint on other people. Everything should be your choice to make. What food you choose to eat, what clothing you choose to wear, what God(s) you believe in, if you believe in a god, whether or not you have sex with out marriage. I can't tell you that's right. I can't tell you that's wrong. Do what you believe is right, and stand up for it when challenged. Don't do what you believe is wrong. It's simple.

The last thing I want to do is get in the way of someone's happiness. Personal choices are that. Personal. I'll leave it to you to decide.

Summer!

Hey readers,

It's been awhile, but I had finals and closing, so I had no time for updating this thing. Let alone turning on my computer.

It is officially summer for me and you know what that means: more classes.

I am one of the few students that stay on-campus during the summer. I got a job with Reslife, so living here is free! I love school, so classes were a must. I'm taking a variety of classes, which I will be sure to blog about. (I have already finished 3 credits!!!)

I wanted to share about a personal realization I had in the past week. I was showering and I called myself, 'fat'. For the first time in my life, I did a double take.

I'm always saying how everyone is beautiful as themselves. That bodies are beautiful if they take care of it.

And here I am saying that I'm fat.

That's a hypocrite.

So that night, when I got out of the shower, I looked in the mirror and spoke to myself.

Yup, I talk to my reflection...

I told myself that I loved my unnormal toes because I have a second toe as long as my pinky finger. I told myself that my ankles were wonderful, especially because they help me run 9 minute miles. That my calves were smooth and toned. That my thighs were thin(ish). That my hips were big, but helped my butt look smaller. That my stomach was flat, my boobs were full, my chest was beautiful, my arms were thin. That my lips were kissable....you get the point.

And my point? It was all true.

I challenge you to stop talking about your body in negative ways. Instead of saying I need to lose 5 pounds to get rid of my thunder thighs, I would say, damn, I am so glad my thighs help me get to class on time.

No, really. I'm serious.

Because this is the thing for me. If someone kept telling me how horrible I looked, how bad I looked, I would not do anything. I wouldn't go outside, go to work. Nothing.

My body needs to be treated correctly. Otherwise it will stop working.

That's not completely true, but the logic works in my head.

Also, what I have been doing is just trying to remove the negative parts of what I see in people.

Instead of a heavy-set person, I see a woman with gorgeous eyes...or great boobs...or pretty lips...or...you know?

I figure that we already have the media and supermodel pressuring us. Why do we need ourselves being negative as well?

Take care.

Can Porn be Women-Positive?

I hate porn.

I'll admit it. The little porn I have seen had me reeling back in disgust.

Hanging out with my guys friends after our first year of college was interesting because it had seemed they had lost all filters with me. They explored the internet in front of me and laughed at the disgusting porn they came across.

I laughed from what I could see in between my fingers, too. Then I remembered that they were real people and that most of these people were getting hurt.

I don't think erotic images are bad. And I do not think sexualization is necessarily a bad thing.

But I think women who are porn stars or 'escorts' or strippers are doing it wrong.

Yes, you heard me. They are doing 'it' wrong.

It's common fact among scholars that investigate the sex industry that most women in the sex industry may not see a lot of what they earn. Porn stars have agents, Escorts have johns and strippers...well, strippers are stripping in a joint that is usually owned by someone other than them. Most of their money that they earn go to those 'third parties'.

Agents, Johns and Owners of strip clubs are usually men.

So women are selling their bodies to men, to give more money to men.

That doesn't sound very sexually liberating to me.

As I searched for statistics on how much a women in the sex industry makes in a lifetime, I realized that I wouldn't find a lot of results. Sites like this one focused on how much money the 'porn industry' makes overall and who pays for it.

They didn't split up where this profit goes. My guess is that most of the money goes to the producers of these films, not the actresses. My guess is that these producers are mainly men.

My point? Women in the sex industry need to take control. They deserve most of that profit that the porn industry brings in. In order for these career choices to be liberating, they need to be making the majority of the big bucks.

Yes, I'm saying that women need to be the owners of porn companies. Why? Because they are the one being degraded, used, and sexualized on computers and televisions screens across the world.

When I brought this up to my guy friends, they scoffed at me. "Women don't know what a man wants in bed." They told me. I looked at them with disgust, "You're telling me that you've never been satisfied by a women in bed before, now that's kind of sad." Yes, women know what you want in bed, women satisfy you, why can't they take over the porn industry?

I believe that women can use their sexuality to get ahead in life. I believe in choices and that in the right cases, women can be financially stable and fiscally responsible from the porn industry. It's a women's body and her choice to make, but let's make sure it's a good choice to make and that she isn't being cheated.

But let's do this right. Let's make the sexualization of women's body's our choice and to our benefit. That's a fair compromise, if you can't beat them, make money off them.

(Note: I focused on straight porn, I tried to find studies on gay porn because I heard that gay porn is more 'healthy' in the terms of income for the actors, I could not find any. I do not know if the sexualization of gay men is an issue.)

Leaving Women's Health up to the Woman.

I was unsure of what to call this post at first. It was at first going to be: why all feminists should be pro-choice. Then I considered: why all women should be pro-choice. Then I even thought to consider: Why EVERYONE should be pro-choice.

Then I thought, it shouldn't be anyone's choice but the woman who makes it. Of course, with any medical procedure, her doctor should have a say, too. And with any decision, a woman may choose to involve the people she loves. But overall, a woman's choice is that. A WOMAN CHOICE.

I don't hate babies. I don't hate kids. There is no 'buts' to those sentences. I love both those things, even babies when they look like blue little aliens. (Side note: If my children don't look like blue little aliens when they are born, I am going to be very disappointed!)

Abortions are a necessary evil. Especially when birth control is costing more than Viagra is. (Look it up, most birth control options are more expensive!) If we had more affordable birth control, or even more accessible education, abortion would not be an option for most people.

That last paragraph is one of my main points through out the abortion debate!! I almost always bring it up!

Moving on, speaking of necessary evils. Sex is also a necessary evil. With out sex, how could one reproduce? I'm a little sarcastic on that one, but I will be the first and the last one to say: that sex with a consensual partner is damn goooooood.

So we can't stop people from having sex. We shouldn't stop women from having abortion. Logical? Right?

Wrong.

Can I get radical feminist here? Men want to control women. They benefit by controlling women. Having a child puts a damper on your education, your career, your finances? Therefore, men can get paid more, men can get a 'better' education and men can be in control. They benefit.

But let's be real, sometimes that is not why people are pro-life. They want to save a human life.

A human life. Frankly, I'm not going in to that whole argument about what is life. I'm not. It's just too complicated and I do not know a lot about biology to fight that.

So we are going to move on...so anyway, I came across this image on my tumblr. It said, "are you pro-choice, then google abortion and click images, are you still anti-life?"

Now there is a few things wrong with that in the first place...I wouldn't trust the images in Google a 100% of the time and I wouldn't want to see what remains from an abortion anyway. I know what happens, I know what goes down there, I can imagine what it looks like, Thank you. An image is worth 1000 words until you learn the context, then it is worth like 100? Critical reasoning....who took the picture? when did they take it? is this actually from an abortion?

What was under the picture was more informing, it talked about the women who made the choice to have an illegal abortion. In other words, the women who lived in the times where Roe v. Wade wasn't around.

They talked about one story in particular. A 28-year-old's woman who choose to have an abortion because she feared for the safety of her life from her husband. Her name was Gerri Santoro. She and her boyfriend attempted an 'at home' abortion because this was before the time of Roe v. Wade

She died and the picture of her death has been floating around supporting the pro-choice movement ever since. I debated whether to put the link of the picture on here, but for respect of her family, I choose not to. I'm sure my readers can do a simple "gerri santoro" search and come up with enough pictures to satisfy their curiosity. (Warning: it's not pretty.)

This is only one story of one woman who choose to do this terrible act out of desperation. I do not want to hear of more in this time and age.

Let's support life. But let's start trusting the life we already have.

Activism: What to Do

I am actually not pro-life. But there activism techniques are going to get them what they want: an end to abortion. They realized that our youth is crucial for change and this is really important for a cause.

So what should pro-choice people to to keep the choice in the women's hands? Help the youth step up and help the cause.

On another note, I am so excited to see Courtney Martin talk about activism on Tuesday!!