Name Calling isn't always a bad thing

What is identity? What makes up part of your identity?

This was a question that my English teacher asked us Monday morning .

He had circled identity on the board and we were quiet for a few minutes, when someone stated that she considered identity as "where you see yourself as part of a group".

So who you are compared to everyone else, what group you belong to is part of who you are.

But it is not everything, why do individuals have to even consider their identity as part of a group. Why can't I just be Hannah?

Your name is the most individual part of your identity, it is the only thing that can encompass your whole experience. Sure, I identify as a woman, but that does not mean that every woman has the same experience! Not even every queer white woman who is blonde and grew up in the middle class would have the same experience in life that I have had...

What I am trying to say is that your name is who you are, it is the only thing that can separate yourself from the rest of the world who may be superficially just like you.

So why change it? Whether it is for marriage or for fun, you were born with that name for the reason. It was meant for you. Fate.

I think this is why I get so angry when I see newlyweds change their names. Usually if it is a hyphen I am more understanding (when both partners hyphen their names...thank you very much) but when just the woman changes her last name. I see a deep strip of identity right through her soul. I hurt for her and her children who will never receive a chance to have their mothers part of their identity with them.

Many people argue that it is a tradition they are following when they take their new husbands last name, but lets look at this in a different life. Hasn't it been a tradition to be called their name over and over again for twenty some years (or less/more).

So I am Hannah, and let's stick with that.

Be Good to Your Daughters...

"Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?"



I must say that I have always had a huge problem with this Disney movie. Although the story is really empowering because as a woman at the end Mulan did save the day. However, she only got the chance to save the day after she proved herself as a man for a period of time.

As a daughter, I do not think that it is necessarily a bad thing to be one over a son. Having feminine qualities makes me caring and compassionate, something that Mulan also has. She also risked her life to take her father's place as a soldier. I think that is also a very caring thing. Taking care of aging parents is an important part of life and something that mainly daughters have done over generations.

Women (and men) make many important contributions to society. No one can say that they would be here with out a mother, at least biologically. And no matter how hard you try, you actually need a male substance in your life to have a life.

My point is that women need to be recognized for what they contribute to society. If they do well in a 'traditional men's role', FABULOUS. But if they want to be a traditional women, we need that too.

Women are the only people that can be mothers, either biologically or otherwise. But men can also only be fathers. I am not sure if you can survive with out one or another and be okay. I, being privileged for growing up in a two-parent household, do not understand the trials of being a single mother or father or the implications to being with out one.

I do know that either role is important! Putting the reproductive issues aside, I can recognize that in other ways women and men have contributed a lot to the world. Men have mainly been leaders, something we see switching to women roles at the present. And women have mainly been supportive assistants.

It is stupid and ignorant to say that women can not be leaders because they are better off supporting and caring for others or because they have 'never done it before'.

I foresee, partly because of feminism, women's movements and the push for women to receive and education, that women are not going to just stick to their traditional roles. But I also foresee men, due to essential changes in masculinity, becoming better fathers and not sticking to their traditional roles.

Feminism is not about the domination of women, it's about the equality of the sexes. It's about recognizing the importance of women in history and in the presence around the world. Something that's been ignored because women are an oppressed group in our society...

Our ancestors are not just white and male, they come in many diversities and genders. So let's see what those are before we say it's a shame to be given daughters. Because heck, I would like to think I make my parents proud of me...because what I do, not the sex I was given at birth or the gender I practice.

Sex Advice

I have been getting a lot of good advice about (straight) sex lately.

"Keep the numbers low."

"Make sure you are ready to have sex."

"Wait until marriage..."

"Don't put your penis in crazy" (In this case, I would probably have to change the body part so it is applicable. )

But I'm having trouble figuring this advice out.

When people tell me to keep the numbers low, I know exactly what that means. Don't sleep around. But how low is low? Under 5, under 10, under 25? No one is willing to define it for me. Plus, when a person is begging you to have sex with them and you say: "I need to keep the numbers low." They say 'it's just a number.'

And I have no problem with gaining experience. Yes, you should keep it low so that you lower the risk of you spreading diseases or contracting them. But what's wrong with a girl having 10 partners? Or as many as she pleases or as little as she pleases. I don't see guys being told, make sure you have as SMALL AS NUMBER OF PARTNERS as you can. This is a sexist piece of advice.

Why is it sexist? Ask why it's important for you to keep your numbers down. Along with lowering the risk of STDs, they will also tell you that, "To make sure your future husband won't be disgusted at you." You never hear guys telling guys, "make sure that you don't sleep with a lot of girls....keep that number down."

If my future life partner cares how many guys or girls I have pleased in bed and gets disgusted at me for it, that person is not my life partner.

I'm not saying, sleep with everyone. I am not saying that at all. But make your own choice with who you sleep with. Don't concentrate on the numbers. Concentrate on what you want to do.

Make sure you are ready to have sex.

This one is a good piece of advice. But it has a lot of flaws to it.

If you would have asked me 8 years ago, what this means...I would have said: "To be ready to have sex means that you are ready for the consequences of having sex. The consequences are, having babies or getting a naughty disease."

And some adults view this the same way.

I no longer feel this way.

In fact, how does anyone know when they are ready? Do you get a card in the mail? Is it your maturity level? Is it the age of consent?

Which leads me to the next piece of advice, waiting until marriage.

This piece of advice is hard. And I applaud all who succeed and make this a reality. But is it too late for me?

I know I have made mistakes in the past, but it can't be too late for me to turn my ideas around?

I tried telling a guy that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. And he stared at me and laughed. Another guy completely disregarded it and kept trying to have sex anyway. Another guy told me it was stupid. Their basis: because I already had sex.

So now what? Am I just a piece of meat to every guy now? You can walk all over me because someone else already did? That isn't fair to you or me.

Now don't stick your penis in to crazy is a good solid piece of advice. Now in my case it's don't let crazy stick in to you.

Blunt but to the point.

In my experience, I have learned 4 rules you have to follow to have a healthy sex life. You can be married or unmarried for this advice. You can be straight or bi or gay or lesbian or pan or whatever. (you just might need to change the reasoning why this rule is important.)

1. Protection is always necessary.
2. Get tested.
3. Respect your partner!
4. Make your own choices

One is important if you do not want any diseases or unplanned pregnancies. Two is important, too, because accidents do happen. Make sure your partner gets tested too.

Three is one of my favorites. This means honest communication and you have to be open. Make sure your partner wants to have sex.

And four is my favorite.

Make sure your choices are your own. This will make sex both positive and enjoyable for you. If you feel like you need to do it, it's not your time to be having sex. If you feel like it is going against your morals even just a little, it's still not your time.

Follow these rules and you will be sure to have a sex positive lifestyle.

Movies && Pregnancy

I am moving away from porn today and on to 'real' hollywood movies.

I have been using my mom's netflix account to watch movies lately. (Thanks, Mom!) I've been watching a few movies that have to deal with woman and their reproductive system. In other words, these women are normally preggo. Since some women choose to have children, I thought this would be interesting to share what I thought of these movies in a slightly feminist perspective.

Baby on Board
I started with a movie called "Baby on Board". I know, I know, I should have known it was going to be bad from that title, but I wanted to give it a chance. The movie was hands down a waste of my time.

Even though the writers tried to make Heather Graham's character a career woman, she was far from one. She stated she put her career first over her personal life, but the movie showed her constantly having to put her career on the backburner for her husband. Typical.

Her marriage, which was described as "perfect" in the description, was a trainwreck from the beginning. The relationship between her and her husband is immature, not developed and lacks adult communication.(I hated the fact that the husband 'forgot' to put on protection while they were having sexy time. Not cool. Divorce him. )

Frankly, I thought they had spent more time on Graham's hair then the writing of the script. And even though the movie is supposed to be about Graham's characters pregnancy, they spent more time on the husbands law partner extramartial concerns.

The People I've Slept With
I thought I would be more impressed with 'The People I've Slept With' then 'Baby On Board' and although it was a 'more feminist movie'. I do have some concerns.

The main character is Asian American and very independent on her own. When she finds out she is expecting, her decision to keep the baby is because her sister told her 'she's getting old and someday it will be harder to conceive'. She works for an art store and is an aspiring artist.

I didn't understand why she was so concerned with finding a 'husband'. She seemed fine on her own and did not buy in to a lot of the crap her older sister was feeding her. It did not seem to me that her father and sister and friends would let her and her child on their own. Which made me think that her search to find a husband was just a plot for the film. It was unbelievable, so to say.

BUT after you get through the 1950s themed part of the movie, it ended in a feminist, modern way. And it was always focused on her choices and conflicts, not the rest of the people around her.

Women In Trouble
If you want to see women sexualized, degraded and in stereotypical roles and relationships- this is the movie for you. It minimizes woman's issues and leaves most of the issues unresolved. There is a few funny lines in this movie, because most of the women are perceived to be unintelligent. For example: "No one thinks it can happen to them, but anyone could get a Ph.D. Make sure you get tested twice a year."

Barry Munday
The last movie that was about modern day pregnancy was 'Barry Munday'. Although this focused on a man's viewpoint, I think this was the best movie I've seen in a long time. Since it started with Barry getting punished for being a womanizer, I felt like that was an extreme way to forgive Barry's womanzing behaviors.

The movie was really sweet. But it's sad to think that a guy has to lose his 'balls' in order to be a respectful and decent man.

What am I trying to get at in this post?

These movies are about an extremely personal issue that affects women. But yet, you can sense, or know, a male presence in all of these women's lives. And I'm not saying that woman should be selfish and make it all about them, but shouldn't there be more women perspectives about this issue in movies?

I'm just a little sick of watching movies, thinking that they are going to be about real life women and hearing offensive sexist remarks, watching stereotypical characters and finding a male-centered cast. Way to put us women in our place, Hollywood.

Don't forget the Boys...?

http://www.achilleseffect.com/

I found this great site, that I think really helps support the issues feminists are trying to change.

A lot of people believe that feminism is for women only and for women issues, but I have found in my studies so far that it does not encompasses just 'women' issues.

Feminism is about:

1. changing the society so that it does not oppress women.

2. tackling the practices that make women oppressed.

Let's look at the first statement, changing society. Does society just affect women? No. It affects everyone in it. So obviously the same society is going to affect the men too. That is why this site is so cool. It shows that feminists can not just look at the women's issues and expect everything to be changed! Feminist also have to change the issues that affect men! Gender stereotypes do not just oppress girls and women, they also hinder men! (Notice, I use hinder and not oppress, men can not be oppressed!)

Let's look at the second statement, tackle the practices that oppress women. I think that is pretty straight forward, women are oppressed, therefore lets stop the practices and other issues that oppress women. First, let's recognize these practices. Second, let's see the context of these practices, let's fully understand. Third, feminists ask "do we have any say to change these practices, how can we do it?"

The common misconception is that feminism is all about women. But it's not all about women, because these issues do affect all. "The Archilles Effect" looks at this and tackles the issues that affect men. Taken from the about section, "The pop culture environment that surrounds boys introduces them to a world where traditionally masculine traits—like toughness, aggression, and stoicism—are highly esteemed and where female influence is all but absent."

It's definitely an interesting site and it is worth a look! And the nice thing is, even though it focuses on masculinities, it looks at gender as a whole too!

(Note: There are several views of feminism. I am looking at the general definition.)

A feminist marriage?

My friend and coworker is a videographer and has his own business, Memories in Motion. So pretty much he makes a "music video" of couple's weddings. He is amazingly good and you can't believe he hasn't gotten some sort of professional training.

But this is not about a promotion of his business(check it out if you wish). His new wedding video got me thinking about my dream wedding. And ugh, I am so indecisive about it all.

When I was 14, I decided that I was 'never' going to get married. Yep, never. I didn't see the point, I could still have kids and not be married, I could still have a job and not be married, I could still live with a male and not be married.