Yes, you do have a choice...and it's all yours

Remember when I wrote about how I wasn't going to shave anymore? (That post here.)

Well I started shaving again. It got way too uncomfortable being that long and bushy everywhere. Although I still don't shave my legs as much as some girls and I only trim up the other areas. I realized that I have a choice in my beauty. Of what I do, of where I shave and don't shave and that society (and other individuals) may press me to do more, I am not hurting anyone by shaving, or not shaving, or trimming, or wearing makeup, or not wearing makeup, or spending money on clothes, or stealing clothes from dumpsters to save money.

You are wondering why I have this topic in my mind again. It's because this article was shown to me and got me thinking.

For the people who do not like to read, my favorite quote from the article that sums up my feelings about beauty and shaving:

Though the song was written in just a few minutes, Palmer feels it has a deeper meaning -- yes, we're talking about pubic hair freedom now. "I've been really shocked and distressed to find out that 8- and 9-year-old girls are getting all their pubic hairs waxed off by their mothers," she says. "I think if I have any purpose at all, it's to stand up there and say, 'Oh, no, no, no, no, girls. You totally have a choice. You can wax it, you can shave it, you can grow it out, and this really is up to you.' That's the way that I feel about everything, that you just need to know there's a choice out there."

I agree with this artist, you really do have a choice with everything you do. Especially with beauty, if you don't want to conform to the standards, don't. If you do, then do. You are the only one that has to deal with your hair (unless you are rich enough to hire someone to do that on a daily, hourly basis). You are the only one to look at the mirror and see yourself everyday (granted you look in a mirror everyday, sometimes I don't). But you are the one that deals with you, so make those choices about yourself for you.

I'll leave you non-readers with the video and song the article was talking about, too. :)

There's No Problem with Loving My Body

I had a great conversation with one of my co-workers today. We were talking about how in her culture it is acceptable, and actually PREFERRED, to be “FAT.” For them, it is a compliment. It shows they are healthy, that they are doing well. If you are thin in her culture, it means you are sick and something is wrong. I wish America lived in this way. I wish I grew up in a society and culture where it was ok to be who I am. America is killing itself, and I do not want to be a part of that death sentence anymore.

My beautiful wonderful sister wrote this the other day and I love that she expressed this concern.

Being thin is easy, society tells us, look at all those models. What they don't tell us is the average women is size 12, which is considered 'plus size' and that those models are usually aged 12 to 19. They are 5 feet 9 inches tall and 120 pounds. That's not average. And that is not right.

But we continue to feed the society and continue to feel the pressure. I've been lucky to avoid that pressure and I have no idea why. I have never tried to lose a lot of weight, just continued to stay healthy (work out and eat right). My weight is an unknown and it will stay that way, except for doctors visits.

I've been obsessed with Marilyn Monroe for a year now. Her image, her beauty and her figure. I'm a bra size away from having the same body type; our measurements match up close to inches of each other. (According to the website I looked at.) She's been admired as the 'fat' celebrity but what about her was fat?!?! Yes, she was bigger than most of the movie stars during her time, but that doesn't make her fat.

[photo source: here]

The funny fact about her is that she got most of her clothes custom made. Was this because she was rich and could afford it? Possibly. But I think the other reason is that most clothes didn't look good on her. I have the same problem. I put on jeans and all I can see is my hips; I have to wear certain bras with certain shirts or layers of shirts so I can cover up what I was blessed with in the chest region. It's a pain in the butt and would love to have custom clothes. But alas, I am a student and have to stay with in my budgets.

About two weeks ago I caught myself calling myself fat. I was completely disgusted at my body. But then I asked myself, why should I be disgusted? I work out almost everyday, I eat as healthy as I can. I treat my body right and it treats me right. So why so I tear myself down because I don't fit the 'thin' standard? I get that enough from the media. So I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom, naked and called myself all the positive words I could think of.

I no longer want to be part of the death sentence as well. So what if I am twenty pounds heavier than the heaviest reported weight of Marilyn Monroe? I'm not gonna continue the negative language about my body, in fact, about anyone's body. Everyone deserves to be happy who they are.

I see two ways we can make this right: one, we can stop making our own body image negative and two, we can stop with the constant belief that we need to look 'good' for whatever reason.

And that is harder than it looks.

Men On Mondays!!!: Even More New Perspectives

For missing my first class today, I feel as though my brain is exploding with knowledge right now. I can barely keep it in with out crying.

What has caused this brain input right now, let's see if I can get this down right now so I do not forgot this knowledge overload.

I went to my second class today burning with anger that I missed my first one. But what I learned in my second class was reason enough to be trembling.

My professor is one who could speak for hours in front of me and I would sit there in awe. Every class he gives me something to think about in terms of my life that really just makes my life---real.

What we looked at in class today was the amazing (and I mean, amazing) structures that our ancestors created. Creations like Macchu Picchu and Cahokia, just seriously google image the structures and I get sick to my stomach about not only the beauty of it but the brillance.

He refers to all historical people as 'our ancestors' and I love that he has done that. I decided that I will refer to all people as my ancestors and my family from now on. How can I hate someone that is a part of me? Answer: I can't. By referring to other people as your family, you are recognizing that they are an equal and that they are respected and most of all that they are loved.

This family belief: that all people are family reminds me of the first piece of advice that "101 ways to stop Prejudice" booklet tells you to do, which is "learn and share about your heritage."

So here I am just sitting in awe at the creation of this wonderful, magnificant structures and the brilliant professor. With the first piece of advice looming in my head about ways to end prejudice...(because of course I read that packet on our break from class...) And I can not wrap my head around this amazing, chilling beauty I just saw. There is no words to describe how I felt then and there, and even now. Besides to say that I had and have goosebumps thinking about it.

So I leave class and head to work, where I was determined to be productive. But of course, no such thing happens because upon reading my online class discussions, I am chilled at another thought...

For class, we had to read "How men have (a) sex" by John Stoltenberg. Which is a very good essay and I highly recommend it to anyone who is researching gender and sex issues or anyone who is interested. But what was more breaking was how Stoltenberg chooses to live his life as a radical feminist.

First of all, John Stoltenberg identifies as a feminist. I have mentioned before that I know about the controversy of the disagreement on whether men can be feminists or not. I believe in self-identification above the views of others. And if he claims he is a feminist and is doing good work in the name of feminist. I shall call him what he believes himself to be.

Second of all, Stoltenberg is an anti-porngraphy activist. Porn is something that I am still on the fence about, especially because modern porn is degrading and harmful for the women that are participating in it. (More on my stance, here.)

And third of all, Stoltenberg identifies as a gay individual. Yet he lived with a woman named Andrea Dworkin for 31 years as a life-partner. His ideas of sexuality and gender are ground breaking and he chooses to live his life despite society's norms and beliefs about it.

My sexuality and my gender identity is something that I have quietly struggled with for years.(You can read more about part of my struggle in a letter I wrote to the Star Tribune after my graduation, here.)Only a few friends and family members know about this struggle and some still do not know about the extent I have struggled with it.

...and I tell you, my readers, this, not for sympathy, but just to understand why exactly Stoltenbergs life and belief speak to me so closely.

But I am in awe that someone can live life free of gender constraints and the conformity of sex. It seems he did that quite successfully and in a loving relationship none the less.

I have been throwing around an issue lately, in my head, about my own life and my relationships. Can relationships, somewhatromantic, go with out a sexual relationship? Society tells us no. Not at all. But I believe otherwise. I believe that at certain point in your life, you need different kinds of love. Mostly everyone can say that they love their mother (or they did at one point in their life) and at one point in everyone's life, they needed her. And something that I have gone with out most of my life is a love of a true friend, which I believe that everyone needs a 'romantic' friendship through out their whole life. And finally, it's a societal myth that twopeople are going to fall in love and live happily ever after, with out any one's elses love or support. (Love and support are one in the same, another belief, you can not love someone with out supporting them and you can not support someone with out loving them.)

This is something, an idea of love, that I have been throwing around in my head for months now. I have not been able to fully articulate it. And I doubt that now, I have successfully done so. But it seems, at least surfacely that John Stoltenberg believes and lives this too.

So overview, I decided to honor two men that only recently entered my life but helped me articulate what I have been trying to define for months, maybe even years. One is a professor and another is John Stoltenberg. These two men are helpful to both the feminist movement and my own movement. And I am grateful for their work.

Hairless Beauties....BUT DON'T SHAVE YOUR HEAD!!!

DISCLAIMER: This may be a little too much information, but I warned you.

Today as I forgot to grab my razor to go in to the shower, yet again for the 7th time in a row, I realized how our society asks women to shave their body hair off to be beautiful. Last summer, for the first time since I was 12 years old, I let my pubic hair grow out for a whole month! It was one of the most freeing things I have done! At first I thought it was going to be so uncomfortable, but I actually liked it. (I have since, then trimmed!)

It's interesting how people assume because I am a Women's Studies major that I am a traditional feminist and how they assume that I do not follow beauty standards, like shaving your legs/armpits/body. I don't shave my legs because I do not have the time, not because I am a feminist. I do not shave my armpits because I forget my razors, not because I am a feminist.

But today, as I forgot my razor, once again, I thought, you know what? I am just gonna stop shaving there.

And then as I sat there doing my hair (on my head) I realized that although I get tons of compliments on my thick blonde hair, I really actually hate doing it...So maybe I should stop that too.

Women must be hairless in our society to be beautiful, but they dare not to shave their heads...

Is beauty a social construct or an individual one? People say that 'beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.' But is that really true? I'm starting to think NO.

Now, I know, I'm a lucky person. I'm gonna admit it right here and right now. I'm actually attractive. I have my bad days with body issues, but I have never suffered from low-self esteem in the body department. I have always thought I was beautiful. There are things that I want to change at random times of my life, but it's never really made me suffer self-esteem wise.

I'm also lucky because my beauty is one from the social construct. I have blue eyes and blonde hair. This is what society usually shows as attractive. For the record, I have always wanted to be an Audrey Hepburn beauty, but I have settled on Marilyn Monroe.

Tomorrow, I am going to shave my body for the last time. Not for forever, just until I decide that I can be beautiful with out changing what my body gives me. (in hair terms, I sell makeup so I can't give that up)

My last question: Does this now make me a traditional feminist? haha