Acceptance & Apology Affirmation

Yesterday, I reached a point of maturation that I have never realized before:

I'm tired of hating all that have done wrong to me in the past. I certainly do not need an apology from a person to get over x, y and z or at least move on or be okay with what happened. I do not need this big stand on head circus and a jet writing my name on the sky to be okay.

Of course, that's all welcomed. And if you think you owe me an apology, I am not saying do not apologize. But let's look at what I just said "if you think you owe me an apology". That apology seems to be your issue, not mine. There is one more you than me in that fragment.

Part of the apology is for the victim, but part of the apology is for the person making it. The victim was wronged, yes. But no 'I'm sorry' is going to take away the pain that person felt and might continue to feel. It's possible that the victim will be relieved that they heard it. The victim will feel better knowing that the 'offender' knows what s/he did hurt them and that is a great feeling to have.

But an apology will not take back what happened.

Things happen, the world changes and people change with it.

I know that a lot of the world is looking for an apology from some person or another. And I know that a lot of people just won't get it. What will change if a person that hurts you says 'I'm sorry'?

I know that I will greet all my offenders, whether they apologized or understood how much pain they caused me in a decent, somewhat friendly matter. I have said what I have needed to say to them, I have tried to make them understand my pain and I hope that they do not return to the same behaviors with other people.

My offenders will no longer hurt me. But those memories will. An apology will not take away the pain. And hating them will consume you.

So as I was sliding across the concrete yesterday on my rollerblades and 'biffed it' going down a hill. I remembered one thing, that I was finally okay with what my past gave me to work with. Because those experiences made me the person I am today: an honest, blunt, blooming feminist with a lot of passion to give to others. I do not need an apology from anyone to live my life the way I want to.