How To Lose your Virginity...or not.

Virginity.

It's held up there on a pedestal.

What does virginity mean?

"a state of being a virgin"

Well, hmmm. That doesn't tell us much.

Virgin: "originally meant a woman who has never had sexual intercourse"

Nowdays, it means anyone that has not had sexual intercourse.

The debate now is what is sexual intercourse. (I included a link of the wikipedia article for some 'professional' definitions.)

Some say, anything with the word sex. "Sex is sex, oral sex is sex...." Someone told me my freshman year of college. I didn't agree with her at the time. I asked her: "So what is a virgin then?" And she said "anyone that hasn't had sex."

But did she mean, "sex sex" or "oral sex" or "anal sex." And where do handjobs fall in there? What about masturbation?

Another girl told me that survivors of sexual assault are not 'virgins', ever. Because they are all 'sluts' and if they weren't when the assault occurred, "they are now, because good girls don't get raped."

So to be a 'good girl' you have to be a virgin? I don't understand this connection.

Okay, maybe I don't understand a lot of this argument. I don't know exactly what sexual intercourse means, I don't understand how to lose your virginity, I don't understand what makes you a virgin, and now I really do not know what a good girl is.

It seems that virginity is held on a higher pedestal for women, too. It's more acceptable for men to have sex and not be a virgin than it is women to. Just look at the language: Men are called players, pimps, 'the man'. Women are called whores, sluts, naughty.

See what I mean? Even being a virgin is somewhat sexist!!!!

Women Only Spaces

Lately, there has been this talk that Women-Only spaces are reverse-sexist. My co-worker brought this up to me Fall Semester after our Residential Hall Association funded a 'female-identified-only' event. First of all, the event was on breast health. Second of all, we allowed men to go to the educational video, just not the activity where we stripped and casted our breasts.

When I told him this, he was all like, "oh I agree it was a good event, but it was just sexist to give as much money as we did to an event that excludes half of our students. "

We are not excluding anyone, I told him, any male could have attended the educational video.

He dropped it. And we went our ways of life and never discussed it again.

Lately though, more and more, I hear that women-only spaces (and by women I mean individuals who identify as women) are sexist. And I can't really see why.

It's one thing to have a 'Ladies drink free night' at a bar (obviously benefiting women over men) but having an educational event about women's health be women-only is not sexist. Or having an activist group be women-only because they choose to do so is not sexist.

I think the problem is people are not defining sexism correctly. So can I help you with this.

Sexism: attitudes or behavior based on traditional stereotypes of sexual roles. (I found this in a regular dictionary!)

So what does it mean to be sexist then?

Sexist: pertaining to, involving, or fostering sexism. (Also found in dictionary!)

Hmm. So does having Women-only spaces pertain traditional stereotypes of sexual roles? nope. Does it involve the use of traditional sexual roles? I don't think so. Does it foster attitudes based on sexual roles? NOOOO.

I really do not see how people choosing to meet in a women-only space is sexist. Or any -only space being discriminatory? Don't we have our own right to who we want to see?

However, I do think it is important to add, that women-only spaces are important, but we should not exclude groups of willing people to our causes. We all need allys and denying them a chance to help is not going to help us achieve our goals any faster!